sons

Finish Strong and Mature

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

My baby turned two yesterday. He was my last pregnancy. We feel like our quiver is now full. We love our sons and we celebrate each stage of life with love and laughter. As parents though, how many times have we stated how we want to keep them at a certain stage or age of life? I know we have. I absolutely love those first few weeks of my baby’s life where I can literally hold my baby day and night and just love on my perfect little angel. My husband likes it when they learn to talk a little more and he understands what they truly want!

We love our sons and ultimately we are raising them to be independent, God-fearing men. Though we all love certain stages of our children’s lives, we all know that life is a continuous journey. We grow, mature, and develop into the people that God created us to be.

As children of God, we need to continue to grow spiritually. As a newly saved Christian, we are spiritual babies, but we should never stay babies. The Bible tells us that we cannot survive on milk alone. Just as our babies move from milk to baby food to solid food, that is how our spiritual walk is supposed to be. We are supposed to read and study the Word of God and pray without ceasing. We need to learn our Spiritual Father’s voice just as a newborn baby learns his biological father’s voice.

God celebrates with us. He loves to see our growth and maturity. Just as it would seem silly for our kids to stay the same age and maturity level for the rest of their lives, doesn’t the same apply to our spiritual lives? God wants to see us mature steadily. He calls us to finish the race. That means we have to keep moving forward and never give up. I want to finish the race stronger than when I started. I want to do all that God created me to do and be all He created me to be. This life may be a race, but I am going to enjoy and celebrate each stage of it just as I enjoy and celebrate every step and stage my boys succeed in.

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He Says This, She Hears That…

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I have been with my husband for 17 years and even after 17 years, I still have trouble hearing what he is saying. He has trouble hearing what I am saying. God made us so unique that we even communicate differently. He may come home after work one day and say something about how disorganized and messy it is by my front door. What I hear is what in the world do I do at home all day with the kids? Why couldn’t I get off my butt and clean up by the front door? How lazy am I?! He said, pretty much what he said. It was a statement. My school age boys came home from school that day and threw all their stuff into such a mess that my husband, who really doesn’t notice many things, actually noticed.

So automatically, I become defensive and let him know how hard I work all day and that he has the luxury of actually completing his work outside the home without a two year old destructinator walking behind with his massive little arms of destruction. [At least in my mind!] I get upset because that sentence he spoke when he walked into the door sounded like literal fighting words. You want to fight and compare jobs!? You get paid with money and compliments while I get paid with grey hair, no daily showers, and stained clothes that don’t fit in any sort of appealing manner any more. At this point, my husband is clueless to what I am so upset about, but if I want a fight, he will not roll over and take it.

This is a terrible cycle unless both a husband and wife can understand that we are not communicating the same way. Instead of assuming that my husband has turned into a mean-spirited, thankless, no good…..you catch my drift, I can believe that he is the wonderful man that I married who was possibly not intending to hurt my feelings. He never intended to hurt me or make me feel worthless. He was actually taking note that our sons had disrespected their Mother by coming in and making a huge mess where I had kept things previously neat and tidy. He was being a loving husband and Father.

Next time your spouse says something that makes you immediately put your boxing gloves on, take a moment and remember what kind of a man or woman you married. They love you just as much as you love them and perhaps you didn’t hear what their words were trying to say.

Now excuse me while I go look for that box of hair color……

Boys Will Be Boys!

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I find myself all too often trying to stop my boys from being boys. No, I don’t mean that literally, but when they take off to jump in a muddy puddle as toddlers, I scramble to keep their clothes, hands, and faces clean. I have to remember that boys are boys. They love to get dirty and not take a bath after. I wrote a post before about going to extremes, and this seems to be another way I go to extremes. I may ever have those toddlers or young boys who are dressed in adorable outfits that stay pristine clean, but they are the best boys ever. I don’t want to squelch their curiosity; which may get them wet, muddy, dirty, scrapes, cuts, or boo boos. 

I love my boys and I don’t ever want to cheat them out of being boyish and dirty. In fact, perhaps I would have more fun getting in the dirt with them. I bet I will have way more great memories of them having fun being dirty than of me constantly trying to keep them in perfect cleanliness! Time to relax and play with my boys!

Today

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

Today. Today is a day I want to take a moment and just be thankful. I am a blessed woman. I have five amazing and healthy sons who love me. I have an amazing husband who loves me and sticks with me no matter how terrible I can be. I want today to be the start of a lifetime of remembering to be thankful. I want all those around me to see me as a loving, caring, considerate, and happy woman. I don’t need to have any more “poor me” moments in my life. I don’t care what has happened in your lifetime, you always have something to be thankful for. We must stop looking at what we don’t have and look at all the things we do have. I want to be passionate about being happy. So today, let us stop and just be thankful. Thank you God for all that You have blessed me with. He has given me life. Life may be hard at times, but you have the choice to be happy or miserable. I choose to be happy!! 

 

Adults Only

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I was one of those young people who hated hearing the child cry when I was trying to eat at a restaurant. I wondered why somebody would choose to go to a restaurant, or even a movie with a child! Now, after 12 years, I have five of them. Five sons who cry, throw tantrums, yell, sound their alarms when they want me or their Daddy to come running to their rescue. I have seen both sides and I have to say, neither is wrong. When I went out before I had children, I didn’t want to have to listen to a child crying for three fourths of my dinner. Nobody wants to hear that. I didn’t want friends bringing their toddlers over to my home to break literally everything within reach of their grimy hands.

Now I am that mother. I am the one who cannot be in my house one more minute; I HAVE to go out for supper because today has been one of those days and I want somebody to serve me for once. Often, people come up to us to tell us how well behaved our children are, but not all the time! I feel bad when my baby cries out because he dropped something and can’t get it. I see the looks. I hear the mumbled comments. Believe me, I understand. 

We are in a place now where people love to get together, without kids; Adults Only the invitation says. I would say it is 19 times out of 20 anymore we get the adults only invitation. Now I need YOU to understand that we just can’t do that. I respect that you have every right to not want screaming kids running around and breaking your stuff, but you need to understand I have FIVE, yes FIVE, children. Our family moved across the nation to follow what we believe is the will of God for our lives. We have no family and no really close friends yet. We don’t have people who offer to watch our kids anytime we want. We are a close family that does everything together. My husband and I maybe get a date once, sometimes twice a year, but now we are supposed to rush and find babysitters because every invitation we get doesn’t allow children? I don’t even trust many people with my kids. I don’t know any babysitters, let alone a babysitter that could handle 5 boys. I don’t even want to know how much a legitimate babysitter would charge to watch my five kids for a few hours. I think we would have to get another job!

I love adults only invitations. I may cringe now when I get them, but it isn’t because of the hosts. It is because we have five children; we live on a tight budget; we have no family to help; we have five children; we didn’t win the lottery; we won’t let just anybody watch our kids; we have FIVE children! I think you get my point. 

Next time you get the adults only invitation, don’t feel bad. I don’t feel bad about it. We may be the only couple that doesn’t show up. We do NOT want pity. We understand your purpose in the invite. Please understand our purposes when we politely decline the invitation. One day, when our children are older, we will love to come to your adults only parties, but right now, let us enjoy our children, who are five wonderful blessings that God gave us. Don’t make us feel bad because we have children and want to spend time with them. And parents with children, don’t make others feel bad who don’t have children and want those adults only parties. Nobody is right or wrong. Just understand we are in different places in our lives right now and love each other for it. 

Love Like Children

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I am tough on myself. I wish I wasn’t. I find myself at the end of each day, planning on doing better the next day; being better. I end my day happy that I did some good, happy that my kids made it through the day still loving me, still believing I’m the best Mom in the world. Kids are so forgiving and so loving, so innocent and so resilient. I see my kids and understand how Jesus loved the children around Him and said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.” 

As we turn from children into teenagers, young adults, adults, and finally elderly, we gain wisdom. As we get older though, we also gain hurts, distrust, cynicism, pessimism, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, among many other things. God did not intend for us to hold onto anything but the true definition of love in I Corinthians 13; withouth love, I have nothing, I gain nothing. My kids go to bed ever night still believing the best in me. They still love me and they easily forgive me. 

It can be very difficult to change. I want to be more like my children. I want to go to bed every night believing the best in people and not assume the worst. I need to bless those who curse me. I want to believe that there is a possibility that I may not be seeing things clearly. I need to be ready to admit to myself that I am seeing the world through hurts and sacrifices that I never wanted. I need to be honest with others, but with myself more.

God’s mercies are new every morning. I need to wake up every day and believe that I can be more like my children. They are a great example of how God sees us. Children learn a lot from us. Let us not be so arrogant to think they are not in our lives so that we can learn from them. I love my sons more than I can even understand; more than I thought I ever could. I hope one day they can understand just how much they have given me, how much God has blessed me through them.   

My Dad’s Love

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I’m in love with my husband. I’m in love with my children. I’m in love with so many people. Who taught me how to love? My father did. My father is still alive today. He is fairly young still. He is a good man. He is honorable. He taught me to stand tall. He taught me to be strong. He taught me to forgive. He taught me to be the daughter and woman that he knew I could be. I don’t ever want to fall short. I don’t ever want to disappoint him. I may be a wife and mother now, but I always want to believe that I bring honor to my father. I want to believe that my father is proud of me. My father sees my flaws and my mistakes and loves me anyway. I love my father. I adore my father and I look up to my father. My father is not perfect. I don’t always understand why he does some of the things he does. I don’t always understand certain choices he makes, but it doesn’t make me love him any less. I love because he loves me. 

How much greater is the Father’s love? God uses our earthly fathers to teach us love. They teach us a multitude of things, but they teach us to love first. When I see a picture of a father holding his newborn baby, it really touches something inside of me. Of course a mother and her newborn baby is beautiful, but a mother has had 9 months to bond with, and love that life inside of her. A father only gets to experience that first cry before he begins the lifelong bond. That doesn’t mean the father loves any less or more, or even different than the mother. It only means that first moment of wiggles and hiccups that a mother got to experience in her womb, is now what the father is experiencing for the first time. God uses our fathers to teach us how He loves us. Many earthly fathers fail at that, but God never fails. His love never fails. He knew us even before we were a thought in our parents’ hearts; and He loved us. 

Mothers, don’t be so critical of the father of your children. Don’t roll your eyes when they put the diaper on backwards, or wrestle too hard with them, or have a hard time getting up in the middle of the night. Dads aren’t made like moms, but it doesn’t mean that boys and girls need their fathers any less. Too many kids are growing up without fathers in this generation. Yeah, some are just plain jerks and terrible guys, but some have been pushed away by the mothers of those kids. Be strong. Stand up and fight for your children.Show them what love is.

So thank you Dad. Thank you for never giving up on me and always loving me. Thank you for making hard choices, sacrificial choices in order to not leave me.  I see you Dad. I see the Heavenly Father in you. I see you in the choice I made for my husband. He is a great father too. Because of you, Dad, I have seen, tasted, experienced, touched, felt, and found LOVE. Thank you, and I love you too!

Words

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I always hear people talk about watching your words. I hear it from my spouse, pastor, friends, and relatives. I try to watch my words all the time, but especially around my children. I know we all have moments of weakness where we get angry and say something we shouldn’t. Maybe I am the only one and this blog is totally for myself and nobody else. Although those can be shocking and possibly detrimental for small ears to hear, those aren’t exactly the words I am talking about in this post. I am talking about those sentences and phrases that came out of my mouth first; possibly days ago, weeks, months, or even years ago. 

I was shocked the first time I heard my oldest say the exact phrases I have used. Hearing them out of my little ones mouth sure makes it sound more negative than I ever thought it sounded out of my mouth. I have five sons between the ages of 12 and 1. All but my one year old have quoted me at different points of their lives. I wish I could say I was proud of myself when I heard them, but I wasn’t. Hearing your 5 year old yelling at his younger brother about how he is doing everything wrong with such adamant negativity has really made me try to change the way I speak. I try to speak in softer tones and try to be more positive when I speak. I try to correct without belittling them, or making them feel inadequate or dumb. 

I can’t say I never yell now, or speak to my kids in the most positive way possible, but understanding that there are flaws with my words an the way I say them is a great first step. Our words are powerful, our tone of voice is powerful, and choosing to correct in a positive way can be powerful. I choose today to do just that; empower my kids to take the best from me, and not the worst. 

My Peace Test

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

Well, I should have known better. The other day I was actually commending myself on finally becoming a more relaxed, more peaceful mother. I felt like I hadn’t yelled or screamed at my kids in quite a while. It was a good moment of realization, but I really should have known that was going to soon be tested. Today was that day for me; and I failed. I failed miserably. I am so blessed to have 5 healthy handsome sons, but my 3rd born son has some issues with allergy/asthma problems. My family and I are believing for full healing from it, but until he is healed, he has to take his circle pill every night to help prevent this cough that turns into coughing/puking fits. I try not to complain about it because has never has to have breathing treatments or anything like that, but there were 2 years of his toddlerhood of ER visits and small garbage bins throughout the house for when he had a coughing fit.

Every once in a while, he gets a cough, even on the medicine. This is a horrible oddly sounding cough. It is like he is trying to clear his throat with a weird cough/groan. I don’t even know how to explain it very clear. All I know is that sound that he makes is like an arrow puncturing me to the core. I feel helpless; completely helpless. Mothers do not like to feel helpless. We want to make everything all better. I figured out in the last couple of years that when he gets this cough, to go for the Benadryl instead of cough medicines. He is one of those kids that Benadryl does not affect. He doesn’t get sleepy or crabby or anything from it. Up to two days on Benadryl clears up the cough completely and we no longer have to worry about the wretched cough turning into some sort of infection in his body.

This was the child who has needed more medicine than all of my other sons put together. We used to have to sit on him and try to force medicine down his throat. It sounds terrible, and believe me, it was! These days he takes his chewable tablet every night like a champ and will take some liquid medicines withouth throwing up anymore. Let’s just say………I ran out of his liquid Benadryl last night after the last day of coughing his special cough. I did have a few children’s tablets he could take, but last time he attempted to swallow it, he projectile vomited.

After school today he was doing that cough again, and I could NOT take it. I had to try to get him to take a pill. This was my peace test. This test was going to show off my compassionate motherly skills where I was NOT going to get frustrated. Let’s just say, there was crying by both of us and me begging and pleading for him to just, “swallow that pill!” My peace literally flew out the window. I was devastated. All these weeks and months, even years, of praying to be that Proverbs 31 woman and a calm mother, just ended with an epic failure. I hugged my son and begged his forgiveness.

I think if only God would heal my son right this moment, I wouldn’t have these moments of helplessness and frustration. I wouldn’t have to go through these tests and sometimes pass; sometimes fail. At these moments, I need to understand that these tests help me grow. They help create my character. They help my children see my character grow. It helps my children see that even though I may fail, I still try. These trials and peace tests help us become what God sees in us. My children need to see me fail as well as succeed. We may not always understand why God hasn’t stepped in when we think He should, but we need to remember, God knows us. He knows our hearts and during these tests and trials, He helps us see the truth in ourselves.

My next peace test will probably be something different. It may come tomorrow or next year, but one thing I know, is that I have some things to continue to work on!