Just Doing Nothing
I am one of those people whose mind is constantly going; never stopping. I second guess myself all the time. I study for tests and even though I memorized everything I should, I find myself second guessing if I am really remembering it correctly. I listen to a sermon on Sunday morning and by that evening I fully believe that I am that person who has horrible motives and simply cannot be trusted to do anything! I don’t really know why I am like this, but I don’t want to be. I have found in the last few years, that I have second guessed myself into doing absolutely nothing. If I want to do something, I am ambitious. If I feel a need to do something, I have bad motives.
I know there are times we all struggle with wrong motives, or become too ambitious in the church. If I am honest, I don’t think that is where I am at today. I have attained the position of, “I can’t do anything right; I am not right; I must be doing something wrong; I am thinking wrong; I have dreams that weren’t really from God.” The list goes on and on. I am sitting here just doing nothing. I realize I have become a person of extremes.
I don’t want to put myself out there and make new friends because it will look like I am up to something. I keep quiet at church things because if I say that I want to sing or lead worship sometime, I must have bad motives. I feel like I have been in this place these last few years where I am actually missing out on life. That is not what God intended for my life. It’s not what He intends at all. He wants me to live life. He wants me to follow my dreams; the same dreams HE gave me. Now, I will follow the counsel of those wise people God put in my life, but I will no longer be afraid to live, to speak, to dream. I will no longer be the person that sits there just doing nothing. I will trust God and trust that I am in His perfect will. If I step out and fail miserably, He will pick me up and He will love me just as He always has because He is love. Don’t allow the enemy to steal your dreams or your life.
“The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come that they may have life, and life more abundantly!!!!” John 10:10