My Peace Test

Well, I should have known better. The other day I was actually commending myself on finally becoming a more relaxed, more peaceful mother. I felt like I hadn’t yelled or screamed at my kids in quite a while. It was a good moment of realization, but I really should have known that was going to soon be tested. Today was that day for me; and I failed. I failed miserably. I am so blessed to have 5 healthy handsome sons, but my 3rd born son has some issues with allergy/asthma problems. My family and I are believing for full healing from it, but until he is healed, he has to take his circle pill every night to help prevent this cough that turns into coughing/puking fits. I try not to complain about it because has never has to have breathing treatments or anything like that, but there were 2 years of his toddlerhood of ER visits and small garbage bins throughout the house for when he had a coughing fit.

Every once in a while, he gets a cough, even on the medicine. This is a horrible oddly sounding cough. It is like he is trying to clear his throat with a weird cough/groan. I don’t even know how to explain it very clear. All I know is that sound that he makes is like an arrow puncturing me to the core. I feel helpless; completely helpless. Mothers do not like to feel helpless. We want to make everything all better. I figured out in the last couple of years that when he gets this cough, to go for the Benadryl instead of cough medicines. He is one of those kids that Benadryl does not affect. He doesn’t get sleepy or crabby or anything from it. Up to two days on Benadryl clears up the cough completely and we no longer have to worry about the wretched cough turning into some sort of infection in his body.

This was the child who has needed more medicine than all of my other sons put together. We used to have to sit on him and try to force medicine down his throat. It sounds terrible, and believe me, it was! These days he takes his chewable tablet every night like a champ and will take some liquid medicines withouth throwing up anymore. Let’s just say………I ran out of his liquid Benadryl last night after the last day of coughing his special cough. I did have a few children’s tablets he could take, but last time he attempted to swallow it, he projectile vomited.

After school today he was doing that cough again, and I could NOT take it. I had to try to get him to take a pill. This was my peace test. This test was going to show off my compassionate motherly skills where I was NOT going to get frustrated. Let’s just say, there was crying by both of us and me begging and pleading for him to just, “swallow that pill!” My peace literally flew out the window. I was devastated. All these weeks and months, even years, of praying to be that Proverbs 31 woman and a calm mother, just ended with an epic failure. I hugged my son and begged his forgiveness.

I think if only God would heal my son right this moment, I wouldn’t have these moments of helplessness and frustration. I wouldn’t have to go through these tests and sometimes pass; sometimes fail. At these moments, I need to understand that these tests help me grow. They help create my character. They help my children see my character grow. It helps my children see that even though I may fail, I still try. These trials and peace tests help us become what God sees in us. My children need to see me fail as well as succeed. We may not always understand why God hasn’t stepped in when we think He should, but we need to remember, God knows us. He knows our hearts and during these tests and trials, He helps us see the truth in ourselves.

My next peace test will probably be something different. It may come tomorrow or next year, but one thing I know, is that I have some things to continue to work on!


Just Because…

My husband and I were getting some groceries last night and he grabbed me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. He bought me flowers for no reason at all; just because. Those ‘just because’ moments are probably the most meaningful. You don’t need to repay this moment. You don’t know what you did to deserve this moment. It just happened. When he gives me those moments, I want to express my love to him in so many more ways. I want to show him I love him, just because. 

How many times in our life have we gotten those ‘just because’ moments? How many times have we given those moments? How many times do we call a friend because we need something? Do I call or text to tell them what they mean to me? So many questions we can ask ourself about friends; about our husband; about our wife; about our family; about God. I look back at my own relationship with Jesus and wonder how many times I talk with Him out of a need in my life. Have I had ‘just because’ moments with Him? I am so in love with Jesus, but how many times a day do I tell Him; show Him? Jesus loves me so much that He died for me! There is no greater sacrifice. He died for me yet I make choices daily to be selfish and needy, because I have developed an expectation of getting something in return

I want to be known as the ‘just because’ friend; the ‘just because’ wife; mother; daughter; Christian. I want to be a Godly example of love. ‘Just because’ is a great example of God’s love. God does things just because He loves us. My husband does things for me just because He loves me. What a great way to show the Love of God. 

God is love. That is what His word says. So if God is love, and we show people love, then we show people who God is. God is a ‘just because’ God. He loves us; just because! 

I challenge you today. I challenge myself.  Let us give more of those moments to each other. I will tell you that Jesus loves YOU! I love you. We may not know each other, but God knows you. He knows every hair on your head. He loves you because He loves you…..just because!