life

Perfectly Imperfect

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I started another semester of my attempt at a college degree and I am taking a rather large workload. This works against my personality in so many ways. You see, I am a bit of a perfectionist. Getting a 100% at the end of the semester is the ultimate reward. I actually get disappointed if I get below an A on an assignment. Now, I don’t have a perfect 4.0 GPA, but it is still pretty high up there. I only say these things because I am trying to show a major flaw in myself….perfectionism.

Did you know perfectionism is most definitely NOT a good thing?! I have had to work on this in myself for probably the last couple of decades since I was even a child. I realize much of my perfectionism comes from trying to please a parent who quite possibly, I will never please, but it is still wrong. How many times have I redone something that my husband or my sons have done because it isn’t the way I would do it; which of course is the perfect way? I stress over coursework because I am afraid I will do bad and people may think I am imperfect. Well, there is another problem with perfectionism. It allows fear to have a foothold in your life. I have become afraid of being imperfect.

This is an ongoing process for me. I have to sit back and realize that I only need to do my best with school. I have a fantastic GPA and I feel like I am learning quite a bit; which is kind of the point! When I redo something that my sons have done, I am telling them that what they did isn’t good enough. I know at times kids don’t do their best, but often enough my boys work hard to clean something and I have to praise them for what they did and thank them. I don’t want them to give up because they think they will never measure up. When I redo something my husband has worked hard on, I am telling him the same thing…what he does just isn’t good enough; YOU aren’t good enough; YOU aren’t as perfect as I am. Sounds a little like pride too doesn’t it?

This is a reminder to myself just as much as it is to possibly help something out there. I can’t get stressed over one question wrong on a test. I don’t need to check and recheck household chores because I saw a speck of lint on my floor. Well, I may recheck my boys’ bathroom because, let’s get real, boys can be a little nasty!

Any comments to add to this? How do you find yourself buckling under the pressure of perfectionism??

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Rugs and Visions

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I got a new rug yesterday that I ordered online. It was nice, but it wasn’t quite what I thought it would be. On the picture it was more vibrant in color and I loved it. When I got it and unrolled it, it didn’t look the same and I was slightly disappointed. I decided to put it under my dining set to help the wood flooring stay a bit nicer. It is all bubbling and sticking up in places because of being rolled up tightly for so long. As I learned from the first time I bought a rug and laid it out on my floor, it takes time for the rug to settle down and lay as it is supposed to.

How many times do we have similar expectations in life? We have a vision or a prophetic word and we see this vibrant and beautiful thing, only to find out that perhaps what we saw in our minds eye, was not what it turned out to be. I think about things I have desired in my life and they don’t seem to be turning out as I had expected. Does that mean that my dreams are not coming true? No, absolutely not. Just like that rug. I saw it on my computer and it didn’t quite turn out as I expected, but it still seems to be just what I needed. It fills the space I wanted it to and it is the colors I wanted, although a little more toned down that I thought they would be.

We all have dreams and visions of what our ministry will turn out to be. We could be allowing things to pass by because it doesn’t quite fit our vision. We could be living our lives not to the fullest because we are always waiting for that perfect vision in our mind to come to pass. How many times have we ‘sent something back’ when it doesn’t meet our specifications when we only need to give it time to get all the ‘bubbles’ out?

I hope what I am trying to say is clear. Don’t give up on something just because it doesn’t appear to be exactly what you thought it would. Don’t automatically say no to something because it may be missing some ‘vibrancy’. A building doesn’t get built in one day. A vision or ministry doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and patience. Don’t let your vision die, but don’t assume that what comes in front of you isn’t what you want until you give it some time. God knows our hearts and wants to give us our heart’s desires. He wants what is best for us and we need to learn to trust Him more.

No Fear

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

When each of my sons was just a newborn baby, before we even left the hospital, I prayed a prayer over each of them. I prayed that God would help me give them back to Him. I prayed that He would help me understand that even though He gave them to me, I have to let them grow up and do what they are called to do. My boys are young enough that what they want to do when they grow up has changed pretty consistently over the years. My boys pray over different countries every night that God puts on their hearts. Some of those countries are scary and dangerous places. My motherly instinct is to say scream, “no! No you will not think of that country and you will definitely not be going over there.” I have to remember that my sons are here to bring glory to God in whatever they do. They may grow up and get an office job. They may be missionaries. They could even live in other countries in dangerous areas where they feel called to spread His word.

I love my boys so much I can’t even believe it. I never thought I could ever have this much love in my heart for my husband and my five sons. I can see how parents want to protect their children even beyond their childhood into their adulthood, but that is not what is supposed to happen. God called us to raise our children to become independent of us; to understand right and wrong; to fulfill the call of God on their lives. My boys have seen us just three and a half years ago sell everything we owned to move across the country because we felt that was what God wanted us to do. It wasn’t easy. It was hard to sell my beautiful things I had accumulated over the years. It was hard to hear the negativity from family members and the harsh words. It was hard to see the disappointment in my sons’ eyes when we told them we were selling everything and moving because we knew God wanted us to. It can be difficult, but they saw for themselves how God works. They have seen for themselves how our life is not our own. They have seen the tears and excitement as well as the anger from parents and other friends and family. One day, this may be them. They may feel called to move across the country, or even to a completely different country for that matter.

It is not unloving to let your children go. It is not unloving to let your parents go. So many parents don’t ever want to let their children go into this big scary world. We live in fear of the unknown; in the fear of failure. We have taught our children that fear is bigger than God, rather than God is so much bigger than our fears. Too many of our children are afraid to leave the nest and we are too afraid to push them over the side and let them learn to fly on their own.

I will always remember those prayers over each of my boys in the hospital. I have to remember them because one day I will want to not let them go and God will gently remind me of those prayers. I will always be their Mama and will always be there to help counsel them when they need it. They know that. They also know that God has plans for each one of them and one day in the future, they will work on fulfilling their callings.

Parents, don’t let fear hold your children back, or yourself for that matter. Children, don’t let your parents fear hold you back. Don’t let your own fear hold you back because our God is greater than any fear in this world. He loves us!

Finish Strong and Mature

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

My baby turned two yesterday. He was my last pregnancy. We feel like our quiver is now full. We love our sons and we celebrate each stage of life with love and laughter. As parents though, how many times have we stated how we want to keep them at a certain stage or age of life? I know we have. I absolutely love those first few weeks of my baby’s life where I can literally hold my baby day and night and just love on my perfect little angel. My husband likes it when they learn to talk a little more and he understands what they truly want!

We love our sons and ultimately we are raising them to be independent, God-fearing men. Though we all love certain stages of our children’s lives, we all know that life is a continuous journey. We grow, mature, and develop into the people that God created us to be.

As children of God, we need to continue to grow spiritually. As a newly saved Christian, we are spiritual babies, but we should never stay babies. The Bible tells us that we cannot survive on milk alone. Just as our babies move from milk to baby food to solid food, that is how our spiritual walk is supposed to be. We are supposed to read and study the Word of God and pray without ceasing. We need to learn our Spiritual Father’s voice just as a newborn baby learns his biological father’s voice.

God celebrates with us. He loves to see our growth and maturity. Just as it would seem silly for our kids to stay the same age and maturity level for the rest of their lives, doesn’t the same apply to our spiritual lives? God wants to see us mature steadily. He calls us to finish the race. That means we have to keep moving forward and never give up. I want to finish the race stronger than when I started. I want to do all that God created me to do and be all He created me to be. This life may be a race, but I am going to enjoy and celebrate each stage of it just as I enjoy and celebrate every step and stage my boys succeed in.

Thank You for the, Uh, Joy?

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

Life is tough as a Christian. I am not going to lie, but where is the joy that should be in a Christian’s life? How many times do we talk with our friends or loved ones and hear them say, “Oh I am happy to be alive”? What!?!?!?!?! Life with Jesus is so joyful that you are happy to be alive; to be breathing?! So if the joy of the Lord gives us strength…..is that why so many Christians are weak today?

Don’t get me wrong, we all have those days where either somebody has done something so incredibly hurtful to us that even getting out of bed hurts; or we are having to pay the consequences of making a stupid decision. These are times when we learn from our mistakes, pick ourselves up, and move on. Our lives are supposed to be examples of being Christ-like. How many people look at how Christians are living, or acting, and want that life?

God gave us this life to enjoy it, not to just suffer through it until we reach the great beyond. I want people to look at me at any time during my day and see that unexplained joy and peace on my face. I don’t want people to see me suffering through life, barely getting by. I want the fruits of His Spirit to be so evident in my life that people want to turn to the Love of Jesus because of it. Find things that make you happy. Help others. Love on other people. Show people what God’s love is all about. Don’t make the choice to suffer through life. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Love it!

Living as a Victim or Overcomer

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

“You don’t know where I’ve been unless you’ve walked in my shoes!” This is absolutely a legitimate sentence, but if that becomes the focus of your life, then you have a problem. I see so many people that live with this victim mentality. We have all walked through terrible situations during our lifetime, some worse than others. We see people on the news every day that have fought evil for up to decades and have managed to overcome and live their lives to the best of their ability. How do we survive these things? That is one of the problems; the word ‘survive’. God has not merely called us to be survivors, but to be overcomers. We are called to rise above our circumstances and learn from our past, but not live in our past.

I know a woman that has multiple daily posts on her social media site that talks about how she has been to hell and back. She posts about unforgiveness and bitterness and how they can destroy you, but lives in a constant state of unforgiveness and bitterness. She has developed a victim mentality. She is always a victim. She is not an overcomer. She may have gone through the fire, but not only did she get burned then, she still lives there. Life has moved on all around her, yet she won’t let leave this camp.

The bible tells us how we walk through the valley of the shadow of death and how we should fear no evil, yet people seem to skip over the word through. Let us not camp out in the valley, but let us continue through it where we climb the mountain to our destiny. Let us not live our lives as victims, but men and women of God who have overcome every bad circumstance in our lives.

I want to be known as an overcomer. I want people to look at me and see what I have become and not where I have been. It is good to remember where we came from, but never ever live there. Move forward. Be who God called you to be.

Just Doing Nothing

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I am one of those people whose mind is constantly going; never stopping. I second guess myself all the time. I study for tests and even though I memorized everything I should, I find myself second guessing if I am really remembering it correctly. I listen to a sermon on Sunday morning and by that evening I fully believe that I am that person who has horrible motives and simply cannot be trusted to do anything! I don’t really know why I am like this, but I don’t want to be. I have found in the last few years, that I have second guessed myself into doing absolutely nothing. If I want to do something, I am ambitious. If I feel a need to do something, I have bad motives. 

I know there are times we all struggle with wrong motives, or become too ambitious in the church. If I am honest, I don’t think that is where I am at today. I have attained the position of, “I can’t do anything right; I am not right; I must be doing something wrong; I am thinking wrong; I have dreams that weren’t really from God.” The list goes on and on. I am sitting here just doing nothing. I realize I have become a person of extremes. 

I don’t want to put myself out there and make new friends because it will look like I am up to something. I keep quiet at church things because if I say that I want to sing or lead worship sometime, I must have bad motives. I feel like I have been in this place these last few years where I am actually missing out on life. That is not what God intended for my life. It’s not what He intends at all. He wants me to live life. He wants me to follow my dreams; the same dreams HE gave me. Now, I will follow the counsel of those wise people God put in my life, but I will no longer be afraid to live, to speak, to dream. I will no longer be the person that sits there just doing nothing. I will trust God and trust that I am in His perfect will. If I step out and fail miserably, He will pick me up and He will love me just as He always has because He is love. Don’t allow the enemy to steal your dreams or your life.

“The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come that they may have life, and life more abundantly!!!!” John 10:10

Will This Love Last?

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I remember being concerned before I got married; concerned that I could be in a long term relationship. I knew my fiance was the man I was supposed to marry, and wanted to marry, but I had never been in a relationship for more than 6 months previously. I was so nervous. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I couldn’t be with a man for more than 6 months? I am not even sure I ever admitted this to my husband! What if I fell out of love?

The problem is, that the world has taught us that when we marry that other person, if it is the right one, things will be perfect. If we marry our true soulmate, things won’t be difficult and we will agree about everything. Well, world, you are stupid and your version of love is wrong and unattainable! I have been married now for 16 years and obviously, from the title of my blog, we have five sons. I have fought with, argued with, screamed at, cried to, and slammed doors on my husband. He has pretty much returned each of those things to me as well. Love isn’t this perfect bubble that can never be broken. Love is being broken and humble, and standing with your spouse, who is also broken and humble; standing together through everything. 

I am truly awed by what love is. Love isn’t what I thought it was; it is nothing like it. My husband is my best friend. We have been through many trials throughout our 16 years of marriage; perhaps not as many as some, but our fair share. I am in awe of the love I have for him, and that he has for me. When we got married, we vowed to love each other through anything. We say love, but behind that word is so many others that we don’t say. We vowed to trust each other, to stay committed to each other, to love each other, to be faithful to each other sexually, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. 

I may not always be the best at letting my husband know how full my heart is with love for him, but it is there. I don’t ever have to worry about that concern about my marriage lasting, because my love for him grows every day. My committment to him grows every day. I love him; I can’t help it. When we have bad days and we fight, I still love him; I am still committed to him. That is what love is. I will never give up on him and he will never give up on me. We are truly one; just as God intended.

So to my husband, I love you. I can honestly say I love you more now than I even did then. You truly make me a better person. I will stand by you no matter what happens in this lifetime, because that is what love is. Love it nothing like I imagined, but everything I could ever wish for. I love you My Honey!!

Expectations

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

Even when you see that word; what does it bring to mind? We all have expectations. The problem comes when our expectations are unrealistic. When we get married, what do we expect from our spouse? Do we expect our husbands to always help with the house cleaning? Do we expect them to always meet certain financial requirements for us? Do we expect them to meet our every need regardless of whether they like it or not?

How about husbands? Do they expect us to always maintain a certain physical appearance? Do they expect sex at least once a day? Do we meet their every need whether we like it or not? 

Expectations are difficult for me. I put high expectations on myself, but is it fair to put those same high expectations on my spouse? When I said my vows, I said for better or worse, in sickness and health, rich or poor. That pretty much sums up what our expectations should be in our marriage. Through anything and everything, I will stand by you; because I chose you and I love you. Of course that doesn’t mean we should gain 200lbs in our first year of marriage and spend every penny that is in the savings account. Things happen in marriage; in life that make it difficult. That is what those vows are about. Those vows aren’t about standing by your husband, or wife, in those great easy times where it is literal bliss. Those vows are meant to help you when your husband loses his job because of downsizing; when your wife puts on extra weight because the baby she is carrying in her womb is causing so much nausea, all she can do is eat to make it not hurt; when one of you gets bad news at the doctor’s office. This is when those vows and those expectations are truly put to the test. This is when I expect my husband to stand by me; when my husband expects me to stand by him. Marriage isn’t about what we can get from our spouse. Marriage is about what we can give to our spouse; how we can serve them. 

What about all these expectations that we have in other areas of our life? Are those realistic expectations? What do I expect out of my church? One of the problems with our expectations in church, is that we expect to receive so much from our church. How many areas of our life do we expect to receive rather than give. 

Society has become all about me me me and what I want and need. Listen to how you talk to your spouse and your friends. Truly listen. Do you complain because your expectations are realistic, or are they so unrealistic that you could never possibly be happy. 

Be realistic with your expectations in every area of your life. Are you the person that you expect others to be? Be the person that God made you to be. Be who God expects you to be. He expects us to follow His commandments; I think that is a really good start. Love your neighbor as yourself. He expects us to love. So today, give His love away, because He freely gives it to you! 

Words

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

This morning I watched as my husband took a new roll of toilet paper out of the bag and placed it in the vanity by the toilet. I looked surprised as I had noticed in these last few weeks the empty roll had always been replaced. I would go to use the bathroom and it was always there; with a full roll. I laughed and told my husband that I guess the toilet paper fairy was done with its reign in my house. I asked him why he didn’t put it where it belonged this time. He sheepishly looked at me and said, “You called me a fairy.” We laughed about it and he did put the toilet paper back on the roll. 

This was a great morning, but as my husband went off to work, his words stuck in my mind. How many times have we hurt those around us with our words? How many times have we joked about something like a toilet paper fairy when our strong, masculine husbands just want a little credit without the jokes and name calling? My husband was not upset about what I said, but he did enjoy my ‘thank you’. I consider myself to be a funny person and I love to laugh, but I don’t like to think that my jokes and laughter have hurt somebody else. I want to always show the love of God. 

With all that being said, I also want to mention that we do not need to always be offended. If you are the person who is always bothered or offended with people, you need to check your heart. We all need to toughen up and understand we are not all victims and should not have a victim mentality. We are made to be overcomers. When we are always being offended, we are too often looking inward. Let us try to show constant love. Let us always laugh together and be open to one another.