husband

He Says This, She Hears That…

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I have been with my husband for 17 years and even after 17 years, I still have trouble hearing what he is saying. He has trouble hearing what I am saying. God made us so unique that we even communicate differently. He may come home after work one day and say something about how disorganized and messy it is by my front door. What I hear is what in the world do I do at home all day with the kids? Why couldn’t I get off my butt and clean up by the front door? How lazy am I?! He said, pretty much what he said. It was a statement. My school age boys came home from school that day and threw all their stuff into such a mess that my husband, who really doesn’t notice many things, actually noticed.

So automatically, I become defensive and let him know how hard I work all day and that he has the luxury of actually completing his work outside the home without a two year old destructinator walking behind with his massive little arms of destruction. [At least in my mind!] I get upset because that sentence he spoke when he walked into the door sounded like literal fighting words. You want to fight and compare jobs!? You get paid with money and compliments while I get paid with grey hair, no daily showers, and stained clothes that don’t fit in any sort of appealing manner any more. At this point, my husband is clueless to what I am so upset about, but if I want a fight, he will not roll over and take it.

This is a terrible cycle unless both a husband and wife can understand that we are not communicating the same way. Instead of assuming that my husband has turned into a mean-spirited, thankless, no good…..you catch my drift, I can believe that he is the wonderful man that I married who was possibly not intending to hurt my feelings. He never intended to hurt me or make me feel worthless. He was actually taking note that our sons had disrespected their Mother by coming in and making a huge mess where I had kept things previously neat and tidy. He was being a loving husband and Father.

Next time your spouse says something that makes you immediately put your boxing gloves on, take a moment and remember what kind of a man or woman you married. They love you just as much as you love them and perhaps you didn’t hear what their words were trying to say.

Now excuse me while I go look for that box of hair color……

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Today

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

Today. Today is a day I want to take a moment and just be thankful. I am a blessed woman. I have five amazing and healthy sons who love me. I have an amazing husband who loves me and sticks with me no matter how terrible I can be. I want today to be the start of a lifetime of remembering to be thankful. I want all those around me to see me as a loving, caring, considerate, and happy woman. I don’t need to have any more “poor me” moments in my life. I don’t care what has happened in your lifetime, you always have something to be thankful for. We must stop looking at what we don’t have and look at all the things we do have. I want to be passionate about being happy. So today, let us stop and just be thankful. Thank you God for all that You have blessed me with. He has given me life. Life may be hard at times, but you have the choice to be happy or miserable. I choose to be happy!! 

 

Social Media Venting

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I love social media. I am a stay at home mother and I currently homeschool one of my sons. I tell my husband that social media is one of my outlets to the outside world. The problem I have with social media, is the passive-aggressive attitude that many people take with it. I have multiple friends on different social media outlets that post all their private issues right there, for all to see. I am always bothered, when I see a spouse posting negative things about their husband or wife. Now I am the first to say I mess up, but I don’t like to grab my phone and frantically type out all my husband’s flaws on my facebook app after we fight. 

One of the problems with this is that eventually you may get over the fight and hopefully resolve it, but that isn’t the case for the many people who read about the issue. I have one friend who constantly writes posts after an argument. She gets over the frustration within a few days, but I find myself being irritated with her husband because of what she posts. I find that my opinion of him is swayed unfairly. It is also very manipulative. My husband should not be afraid to disagree with me because I may post something on the internet within moments of an argument. 

We need to love our spouses enough to keep our garbage off the internet. We get over things, but once that junk is out there, we can’t take it back. Now I understand we all have the right to say what we want on our social media pages, but do you really want people out there to constantly think negatively about your spouse? How about if roles are reversed and your spouse is constantly posting negative things about you? Maybe you show up to a party where each person has read everything that your husband posted about your latest fight and they can’t get past it. What would that feel like?

This may seem simple and harmless, but I love my husband enough to keep our garbage off the internet. If somebody has a poor opinion of him, I won’t like that, but I will sleep better at night knowing that it isn’t because of me. You can post what you want, but remember, once it is out there, you cannot take it back. Sharing with one close friend is much different than sharing with tens, hundreds, and even thousands of people via the internet.

 

Will This Love Last?

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I remember being concerned before I got married; concerned that I could be in a long term relationship. I knew my fiance was the man I was supposed to marry, and wanted to marry, but I had never been in a relationship for more than 6 months previously. I was so nervous. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I couldn’t be with a man for more than 6 months? I am not even sure I ever admitted this to my husband! What if I fell out of love?

The problem is, that the world has taught us that when we marry that other person, if it is the right one, things will be perfect. If we marry our true soulmate, things won’t be difficult and we will agree about everything. Well, world, you are stupid and your version of love is wrong and unattainable! I have been married now for 16 years and obviously, from the title of my blog, we have five sons. I have fought with, argued with, screamed at, cried to, and slammed doors on my husband. He has pretty much returned each of those things to me as well. Love isn’t this perfect bubble that can never be broken. Love is being broken and humble, and standing with your spouse, who is also broken and humble; standing together through everything. 

I am truly awed by what love is. Love isn’t what I thought it was; it is nothing like it. My husband is my best friend. We have been through many trials throughout our 16 years of marriage; perhaps not as many as some, but our fair share. I am in awe of the love I have for him, and that he has for me. When we got married, we vowed to love each other through anything. We say love, but behind that word is so many others that we don’t say. We vowed to trust each other, to stay committed to each other, to love each other, to be faithful to each other sexually, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. 

I may not always be the best at letting my husband know how full my heart is with love for him, but it is there. I don’t ever have to worry about that concern about my marriage lasting, because my love for him grows every day. My committment to him grows every day. I love him; I can’t help it. When we have bad days and we fight, I still love him; I am still committed to him. That is what love is. I will never give up on him and he will never give up on me. We are truly one; just as God intended.

So to my husband, I love you. I can honestly say I love you more now than I even did then. You truly make me a better person. I will stand by you no matter what happens in this lifetime, because that is what love is. Love it nothing like I imagined, but everything I could ever wish for. I love you My Honey!!

My Dad’s Love

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I’m in love with my husband. I’m in love with my children. I’m in love with so many people. Who taught me how to love? My father did. My father is still alive today. He is fairly young still. He is a good man. He is honorable. He taught me to stand tall. He taught me to be strong. He taught me to forgive. He taught me to be the daughter and woman that he knew I could be. I don’t ever want to fall short. I don’t ever want to disappoint him. I may be a wife and mother now, but I always want to believe that I bring honor to my father. I want to believe that my father is proud of me. My father sees my flaws and my mistakes and loves me anyway. I love my father. I adore my father and I look up to my father. My father is not perfect. I don’t always understand why he does some of the things he does. I don’t always understand certain choices he makes, but it doesn’t make me love him any less. I love because he loves me. 

How much greater is the Father’s love? God uses our earthly fathers to teach us love. They teach us a multitude of things, but they teach us to love first. When I see a picture of a father holding his newborn baby, it really touches something inside of me. Of course a mother and her newborn baby is beautiful, but a mother has had 9 months to bond with, and love that life inside of her. A father only gets to experience that first cry before he begins the lifelong bond. That doesn’t mean the father loves any less or more, or even different than the mother. It only means that first moment of wiggles and hiccups that a mother got to experience in her womb, is now what the father is experiencing for the first time. God uses our fathers to teach us how He loves us. Many earthly fathers fail at that, but God never fails. His love never fails. He knew us even before we were a thought in our parents’ hearts; and He loved us. 

Mothers, don’t be so critical of the father of your children. Don’t roll your eyes when they put the diaper on backwards, or wrestle too hard with them, or have a hard time getting up in the middle of the night. Dads aren’t made like moms, but it doesn’t mean that boys and girls need their fathers any less. Too many kids are growing up without fathers in this generation. Yeah, some are just plain jerks and terrible guys, but some have been pushed away by the mothers of those kids. Be strong. Stand up and fight for your children.Show them what love is.

So thank you Dad. Thank you for never giving up on me and always loving me. Thank you for making hard choices, sacrificial choices in order to not leave me.  I see you Dad. I see the Heavenly Father in you. I see you in the choice I made for my husband. He is a great father too. Because of you, Dad, I have seen, tasted, experienced, touched, felt, and found LOVE. Thank you, and I love you too!

Hope

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I have a great life. I love it. I get to be home with my boys. I get to attempt to be a good cook and most of the time my family eats it; my husband always eats it. What a good husband! I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve. That is the kind of God I serve; I deserve not even close to what He gives me. 

The one thing I have never had, is a house. A house to call my own. A house to decorate and fill up with children. A place to make memories. We have had 7 places to live since the conception of my firstborn. We have wonderful memories in each of those places; don’t get me wrong, but it was always temporary. I am a woman who needs security. I think most women do if they are honest with themselves. Even though we have moved often in the past, my husband has bent over backwards to help me feel more secure. 

Over the years there have been multiple times we were going to buy our house. Something always happened where it just never happened. We want to save up money and 5 kids later, we still rent. I love to daydream and hope one day I will have my house. I realized these last few years however, that the hope I once had, has all but left. I want to hope, and I know there is a sliver still there. I was texting my husband the other day and I told him, “I am afraid to hope”. No. I am actually afraid to fail, to be let down, to once again feel that disappointment.

That sure doesn’t say much about me and my faith. I have put all my faith in man and my circumstances; not God. My God is my provider. He is Jehovah Jireh. God gives us hope. If we don’t have hope, we aren’t believing who God is. 

So today, looking forward I will have hope. I will have faith. I know that God is faithful and He loves me. God knows the future; we don’t. I don’t need to worry or lose hope because He has always taken care of us; no matter where we live. One day, hopefully in the near future, God will reveal to us what He wants us to do, where He wants us to live, when He wants us to do things etc. 

Don’t forget who God is. Don’t make the same mistake I have made. Always believe; always hope; always dream; always love; always have faith, because that is how God made us to be. 

Just Because…

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

My husband and I were getting some groceries last night and he grabbed me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. He bought me flowers for no reason at all; just because. Those ‘just because’ moments are probably the most meaningful. You don’t need to repay this moment. You don’t know what you did to deserve this moment. It just happened. When he gives me those moments, I want to express my love to him in so many more ways. I want to show him I love him, just because. 

How many times in our life have we gotten those ‘just because’ moments? How many times have we given those moments? How many times do we call a friend because we need something? Do I call or text to tell them what they mean to me? So many questions we can ask ourself about friends; about our husband; about our wife; about our family; about God. I look back at my own relationship with Jesus and wonder how many times I talk with Him out of a need in my life. Have I had ‘just because’ moments with Him? I am so in love with Jesus, but how many times a day do I tell Him; show Him? Jesus loves me so much that He died for me! There is no greater sacrifice. He died for me yet I make choices daily to be selfish and needy, because I have developed an expectation of getting something in return

I want to be known as the ‘just because’ friend; the ‘just because’ wife; mother; daughter; Christian. I want to be a Godly example of love. ‘Just because’ is a great example of God’s love. God does things just because He loves us. My husband does things for me just because He loves me. What a great way to show the Love of God. 

God is love. That is what His word says. So if God is love, and we show people love, then we show people who God is. God is a ‘just because’ God. He loves us; just because! 

I challenge you today. I challenge myself.  Let us give more of those moments to each other. I will tell you that Jesus loves YOU! I love you. We may not know each other, but God knows you. He knows every hair on your head. He loves you because He loves you…..just because!

Words

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

This morning I watched as my husband took a new roll of toilet paper out of the bag and placed it in the vanity by the toilet. I looked surprised as I had noticed in these last few weeks the empty roll had always been replaced. I would go to use the bathroom and it was always there; with a full roll. I laughed and told my husband that I guess the toilet paper fairy was done with its reign in my house. I asked him why he didn’t put it where it belonged this time. He sheepishly looked at me and said, “You called me a fairy.” We laughed about it and he did put the toilet paper back on the roll. 

This was a great morning, but as my husband went off to work, his words stuck in my mind. How many times have we hurt those around us with our words? How many times have we joked about something like a toilet paper fairy when our strong, masculine husbands just want a little credit without the jokes and name calling? My husband was not upset about what I said, but he did enjoy my ‘thank you’. I consider myself to be a funny person and I love to laugh, but I don’t like to think that my jokes and laughter have hurt somebody else. I want to always show the love of God. 

With all that being said, I also want to mention that we do not need to always be offended. If you are the person who is always bothered or offended with people, you need to check your heart. We all need to toughen up and understand we are not all victims and should not have a victim mentality. We are made to be overcomers. When we are always being offended, we are too often looking inward. Let us try to show constant love. Let us always laugh together and be open to one another.