You are Worthy

I grew up feeling loved by my Dad, and worthless by my Mom. I became a perfectionist in an attempt to pull some sort of affirmation from my Mom. I lived to make her proud of me. Sadly, it has never come to fruition and all I got from it is frustration and anxiety. I’m old enough to not be a victim or play the blame game for any bad behavior I can exhibit time to time, but it still gets to me after all these years.

My Dad has shown me such unconditional love over the years. No matter how mad I would get at him when I was a young girl, or when my mouth gets ahead of me as an adult, he still loves me. Despite the love I received, and still do, there was always this nagging voice in my mind that told me I would never be good enough or worthy enough. That’s where my perfectionism is rooted. This determination to one day be told I did something worthy of a mother’s love was my focus even when it wasn’t my focus. I felt like I was able to overcome so much of this when I was a stay-at-home Mom for almost 12 years. It was challenging at times, but I loved so much of it and felt like I was a success. I love my sons fiercely and unconditionally. I am always proud of them and their accomplishments. I’m also proud of them when they try and fail, because at least they tried!

When I finished my degree and decided to go back to work, this is when I saw that perfectionism and frustration raise its ugly head once again. When I work so hard and years go by without promotion, it brings me right back to feeling like I’m worthless. Realistically, I know I am not and I know my boss doesn’t feel that way, but it’s rooted so deep inside of me, I struggle to get rid of it. How is it even possible to feel accomplished, confident, and find success, yet still struggle with not being good enough?

This brings me to a turning point for me that still brings me to tears. I was at a Women’s Conference this spring at my church. Going to things like these are so out of my comfort zone as I struggle big time with social anxiety and awkwardness. Anyway, my church always has gifts and giveaways for these meetings and they display these gifts at the front, on the stage. I don’t normally win things, but as I look upon this big vase sitting there shining so brightly, I felt like the Lord told me I was worthy of this vase. Not necessarily this vase, but the meaning behind it was what this vase represented. I was shook. This vase was the Grand Prize. I was sitting there minding my own business when I felt God speak those words to me. As I drove home for the lunch break, I began to tell my husband about this and the emotion of it all brought me to tears. God said I was worthy. The Creator of the Heavens and the Earth said I am worthy. I could barely get these words out. This revelation was slowly pulling on that root of perfectionism and unworthiness that was instilled inside of me as a little girl. After lunch, I went back to the Women’s Conference and needless to say, I did not win the vase, but it was still such a good conference and I won that vase in my heart with those words God spoke to me.

Shortly after this conference was my Anniversary, and very unexpectedly my husband walks into my room with this Vase! I assumed he went out and found a duplicate vase like the one at the Conference, but as the tears streamed down my face, he told me how he reached out to one of our Pastors to find out where she got it. After he explained what the Lord spoke to me at the conference, she let him know who won it and the woman who actually won it was more than happy to give it to him so that I could have it. I was absolutely shocked!

This vase now sits on my dresser in my bedroom as a reminder that I am good enough. I am worthy of God’s love. I am worthy to be healed. I am worthy of promotion. I do work hard and I do believe effort is also necessary. You’re not going to give 50% of yourself at a job and expect to get promoted. Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I don’t have to be perfect for God to love me, or my husband to love me, or my family etc. In the same way, you don’t have to be perfect to feel worthy of being loved and appreciated. Don’t allow anybody else’s insecurities to tell you different. Sometimes God uses things like vases to speak to you. Listen to Him and understand who you are in Christ. God did not create us to feel worthless. He created us to be loved and to love because we are worthy of love!

Vote Without Fear

flag-1075125_960_720It is so easy this election cycle to become frustrated and angry. I know I have. I feel like I can present the truth to people, yet they will prefer to stay blinded. I hear talk about fear of this person winning or that person winning. Truthfully, I get nervous when I think somebody as corrupt and untrustworthy as Hillary Clinton could possibly be nominated. What will this mean for my children, who democrats believe aren’t really my children?

It is so easy to get caught up in the winds of discontent and confusion and even fear, but one thing that will never change is the fact that no matter what happens, God is still in control. God knows what is going to happen already. He knows the end from the beginning and the beginning from the end. When I allow fear or discontentment into my mind, I am not fully trusting in God. Now, I must do my part and vote, but I have to trust God.

I believe history will show that Obama has been one of the worst Presidents in the history of this nation. One good thing that his leading has done, is wake up many sleeping Christians. These last few years have been like an alarm clock going off every few moments waking more and more people up to the fact that this nation is taking a turn, and not a good one.

I will vote this fall and I will vote for the best person for the job. I will vote for the person that I believe will wisely choose the next generations Supreme Court Justices. I will vote for the person who will understand that a strong military makes for a strong nation. I will vote for the person who believes for equality among all men and women and not just prey upon those with a victim mentality. I will vote for the person who understands that not protecting our borders means having a less secure nation and the person that understands the difference between legal immigration and illegal immigration. I won’t allow pride to keep me from helping this nation because my man or woman didn’t make the nomination. I will stand with Trump/Pence not because he or they are faultless, but because they stand for what I believe this nation is about.

old-438035_960_720This election season, vote without fear. Vote because you need to stand up for this nation and what this nation was founded on. Too many Christians are saying they can’t morally vote for Trump but yet they joyfully voted for Romney in the last election, even though Mormonism is considered a cult. Trump may not have all the traits you believe he should, but he understands the attacks that are happening to Christians here and around the world. He understands that churches should not be silenced any longer out of fear. He understands that our 2nd amendment rights are NOT to be infringed upon. He understands that making this nation great again means returning back to our constitutional rights given by God and not the government.

What’s Your Identity?

dawn-190055__340I try to live my life to the best of my ability. I could sit in my room and be angry because of different situations I have had growing up. I could blame my failures on my parents. I could blame so many things on the continuous rejection and hatred I feel from my own Mother, but I don’t. I won’t allow myself to play a victim. I won’t allow my children to see me as anything but their Mother who knows her value in life.

I know so many people who have had difficult lives. I think in some ways, most of us have had difficulties in life. What kind of people do you find yourself identifying with? Our history shapes us and our culture helps shape us, but does it define us? When you open your mouth, what comes out?

summit-cross-225578__340I have so much respect and awe in people who live as overcomers. They may have been abused growing up, but they don’t live in their past. They live in the identity they know they have in Christ. When I see a man who didn’t have a father, and he chooses to live his life as a man of God who strives to be the best father he can be, I have so much respect for him. When I see somebody who is fighting such sickness or disease, yet they live their life giving Glory to God and don’t make their sickness their identity, I am in awe. These people understand their identity is not in sickness or being fatherless or being abused.

What is difficult, is listening to somebody who can only talk about their problems. There is more talk about problems than solutions today. The enemy wants us to get stuck in our own problems. We need to recognize this and we need to close our mouths. The enemy knows us so well and he knows what it takes to take our focus off God and put it right back on ourselves.

1 Peter 2:9-10 New King James Version (NKJV)

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; 10 who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.

Imagine how much we could change the world if we turned our focus away from ourselves. We are a a chosen generation; a royal priesthood. Let us live like this and help others understand that their hope is in Jesus and not in this world.

My Timeline

pocket-watch-731301__340One thing I have been trying to work on lately is timing. If I want something to be done, I want it done on my timeline. Ask my husband; he will totally and completely verify this to you! On the plus side, I am finally realizing this about myself, so I won’t have to live the rest of my life wondering if people are purposely being jerks to me.

I make light of this in today’s post, but in reality, I still struggle when things don’t happen on my timeline. I do recognize when it is happening, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I was talking with my Dad not too long ago and telling him why I struggle with certain things. I explained to him how I am having to learn that just because someone doesn’t do what I asked today, it doesn’t mean they are doing it wrong. I think it explained quite a bit to him about why I have gotten somewhat frustrated with certain situations going on.

This can cross over into my spiritual life. Many of us have dreams and visions of doing things and we expect to be able to do them by tomorrow. We received prophetic words about futuristic things and we think we are going to wake up tomorrow and be able to do them. There are times, when things do happen that quickly, but overall, be prepared to wait possibly many years for things to come to pass. I think all of us at times tend to forget that God’s timing is so much different than our timing. We get words that talk about something happening quickly, and that means to us by the end of the week.

Be patient! It is so much easier to say than do. I never pray for patience any more because God will most certainly put me in tests to improve it. Lesson learned on that one! I think patience also comes with maturity.

We mature to a level where we understand that every moment of our life is a process of learning to trust and obey God.

When I get frustrated that people aren’t doing what I think they should on my timeline, part of it is a lack of trust. I need to trust people more. I also need to trust God more. I definitely don’t need to keep reminding God of what He told me in the past; He knows! God wants us to trust Him and to obey His voice. When we do this, we are walking in His will and what He has spoken over us will come to pass. His timing is perfect.

Political Manipulations

flag-1075125__180I am a hugely political person. I have chosen up to this point to not write about political things, although those who know me personally, know how I feel about so many different things in the political realm. I am clearly a very conservative woman based on all I have written about up to this point. I believe in the Bible first and foremost. I make my decisions based on the Word of God. I believe every person in this nation needs to do their own research on each candidate. We cannot merely believe that our media represents us or that manipulation is not happening all around us. Politics has become more about manipulating an audience, manipulating our emotions, and manipulating facts than about desiring to continue to build a nation on the original foundation that we once held dear.

I truly get disgusted by things that are stated by both parties. As I said before, I am conservative, but that doesn’t mean that a Republican, or Libertarian can do or say no wrong. What has made me most angry this week that has pushed me into writing this, is the statement that Madeleine Albright made with Hillary Clinton. “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.” [Madeleine Albright] She made this statement in a speech with Mrs. Clinton eluding to the fact that if we don’t support Hillary, we will have a special place in hell. Apparently hell is very segregated.  Over the years I have heard about special places in hell for different races, genders, and classes of people from all sorts of men and women trying to shame and manipulate.

Why do they have to attempt to shame people? What about that special place in hell for those who murder little baby girls in the womb without repentance? or boys? or black babies? white babies? every baby that is murdered in the womb? Why don’t we stop with shaming people into voting for you? We saw the same type of thing with President Obama when he was running. Many people believed you were a shame to your race if you didn’t vote for him because of the color of his skin.

I beg of you, American people, please do not vote unless you have done your research. Look candidates up and read from multiple web sites. Look at their records and history. Do not assume that what people say is the truth. Do not assume what the media tells you is the truth. I love my country and I want my children and their children’s children to live in a nation that still believes in the Constitution and that God is truly in the very foundation of this nation. This nation was birthed in order to be different from the rest of the world. Why do we want to now copy the rest of the world? Why do we allow such a small percentage of people in this nation to instill such a fear in us that we cannot speak Biblical truth any more. We have a political correct culture that dictates would we should say, what we shouldn’t say, what we have to say.

It’s time we stand up and not let this nation slide into more of a moral abyss than it already is. Revival begins inside each one of us. Let us remember that this isn’t one physical church that is going to do it all. This is a Kingdom BIG vision. Churches need to stop their elitist attitude and understand that we all have the same vision. We all want to see every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. We all want to see nations bowing down before their one true King; King Jesus. It will happen one day as God’s word states it already.

Philippians 2:9-11 New King James Version (NKJV)

Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

old constitutionLet’s be smart about this. Vote what you feel is the best. Remember, nothing comes free. Everything has its cost. Always do your research and understand that our founding fathers put things into place, such as our Constitution and Bill of Rights, in order to protect us from the very things that are trying to overtake us in this time. These are truly God given rights. We are all equal and we all have a right to protect ourselves. We have a right to religious freedom and no true leader should ever even want to take these freedoms away. Don’t let guilt or shame dictate who you vote for. God is a sovereign God, but He also gave us free will to make our own choices. What choice will you make?

Silent Treatment

secret-379428__180Truthfully, I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed this semester in college. Okay, really overwhelmed! I really like things to be clear; black and white. I don’t like grey areas. I don’t like confusion. I want the professors to tell me what to do and less difficult ways for me to figure out how to do it than what they are. I feel like some of those professors are sitting at home twirling their mustaches (or hair for the ladies) and maniacally laughing at me. I have been doing group assignments and I don’t know that we are helping each other much at all. We have one teacher that is completely unavailable and we don’t even know if she knows what is going on. Nobody has even  heard from her more than three weeks into the class! This final semester is our test. Have we learned enough and can we use our knowledge to step into the business world?

My answer right now is, “What have I learned?” Are these teachers tricking me? Is this all a conspiracy? We all feel lost in my group assignments. We all feel frustrated and we all feel like the professors are working more against us than for us.

I am so thankful that God isn’t that way. He doesn’t try to trick us and He has clear guidelines for us to find our way. If that isn’t quite enough for that moment, He is always available for a chat. God is always speaking to us.

“God does not ignore us or try to give us the silent treatment. God is a good, caring, and loving God.”

He is a jealous God. This means that He wants our attention all the time. He wants our focus to be on Him. He wants to remind us in so many different ways of His love for us. He wants to bless us.

telephone-1055044__180Spend time with God. When you spend time with somebody, you begin to recognize their voice more and more each time you talk with them. It’s the same way with God. The more time we spend with Him, the more we recognize His voice. He loves us and He loves us to talk with Him. We don’t need to be constantly making demands on Him. His word [Bible] tells us that He will take care of us. He wants us to get to know Him and converse with Him. He wants to hear us worship Him and tell Him how much we love Him. He is worthy of this.

Get to know Him. Thank Him for all He has blessed you with. Even when we feel like we are struggling through some difficult times, He is still worthy to be praised. Always be thankful. No matter what you may be going through, Jesus gave it all for us on that cross. Thank Him!

 

Prophetic Classes

For those people who are interested in hearing the Voice of God and Prophetic Ministry in the Charlotte, NC area, please check out http://www.gatewaypropheticschool.com for more information. This is free of charge and although you are asked to register, it isn’t mandatory. GPS

This Saturday, 2/6/2016, from 1-3 pm, the first class starts for introduction to the prophetic. This is an exciting time. For more information on this and more upcoming events, check out the website at http://www.gatewaypropheticschool.com

 

 

Not My Concert

piano-349928__180I have many different passions in my life, but one of my greatest passions is worship. I love to worship God and throughout my life thus far, I have been blessed to either have been part of a worship team, or lead a worship team. I love it. I love singing and playing my keyboard and passionately pursuing God.

One struggle I have though, is when I feel like somebody is seeing me as a concert rather than a vessel to help carry them into the throne room of God. When I began to play and sing, I’m not looking for you to only listen to me, I’m looking for you to participate with me. Of course I want you to believe I sound good and see that I am gifted, but I would much rather you feel God’s anointing on me. When I am worshiping God with all that I have, I don’t want to look up and see you watching me. I want to see you enveloped in God’s presence and so focused on Him that you barely notice me. My job is not to perform for you, my job is to help you worship.

I don’t want you to think I’m being critical, because I am truly not trying to be. I am concerned that there are those out there leading worship to promote themselves and not solely God. This isn’t a platform to promote yourself. I love worship albums and I have my favorite worship leaders I like to listen to. There is nothing wrong with that, especially when we are looking to worship in our homes and don’t feel like we are ready to begin to sing out on our own. I know we worship God with our lives and in many different ways, but I am talking about this particular kind of worship.

I also love to hear feedback; good or bad. Well, maybe I don’t love to hear the bad feedback, but it helps me understand what you need to help you worship. I kind of dig it when you say you like my voice, or how I did a certain song, and that is fine to do. I love to encourage the teacher or preacher or the worship leader if I can. The greatest compliment I ever received was one person who told me that when he worships with me, he goes places [in worship] that he’s never been. That is so amazing to me. That is so humbling to think that God is allowing me to do this thing that I love. I love it and I want you to love it with me.

microphone-1128106__180I also understand that not everybody worships the same way. I don’t expect everybody to be leaping and dancing in ways they can’t. I wish I could dance like I see some people dance. My way of dancing for Him is pretty much jumping up and down. Not joking! I want you to begin to tune out your flesh. I want you to imagine it is only you and Jesus and you want to worship Him in your own way. My voice is my worship. My fingers are my worship. Raising my hands is my worship. Sometimes shuffling my feet back and forth is my worship. Sometimes I cannot do anything but lay flat on the ground and worship Him.

My point is this, worship God and allow your worship leader to help you do it. Yes, you can enjoy what you are hearing, but allow yourself to let it take you to the place you have never been before.

“How you worship is truly between you and the Lord, but I pray that if you have ever worshiped with me, you stepped out of your comfort zone because you felt God’s presence so strong that you just had to worship like you never have before.”

Thanks for reading this and if I missed anything, or if you have anything to add, please just add it to the comments! Love you!

Prove It!

boat-962791__180I am so fascinated by the story of Peter walking on the water. There are so many angles to look at this and so many lessons to be learned. Peter was the only one that stepped out of the boat. They all doubted that this was Jesus and Peter said if it was Jesus, to command him [Peter] to come out on the water. Jesus held so much authority to Peter, than when He commanded Peter to come, Peter got out of the boat and walked out to Jesus. When Peter realized that the wind was boisterous, he began to be afraid. He knew, however, that all he had to do was cry out to Jesus, and Jesus would save him from drowning.

Looking at my life up to this point, I look at all those times I asked, “If this is You, God, then do this.” But then, I ask in multiple other ways for God to truly prove this is Him. I have become so afraid to fail at something that I don’t always trust that is is really God asking me to do it. Peter asked for one confirmation that this was Jesus, and Jesus answered him. Immediately Peter got out of the boat. This wasn’t some little thing that Jesus asked of Peter. Peter could have died. I may feel the Holy Spirit leading me to talk to this person in the aisle of the grocery store and by the time I have asked God to confirm this is truly Him for the eighth time, that person is long gone.

historical-odtworstwo-904717__180Peter gets so much flack. He cuts off the soldier’s ear. He publicly denounces knowing Jesus three times. Even knowing some of his big mistakes, Peter is the type of guy I would love to hang out with. Peter would be the first to do something every time! He must have been so much fun.

Peter had such a love and reverence for Jesus. Oh yes he made many mistakes, but Jesus saw so much in him. Jesus saw the gifts inside of Peter. Nobody else got out of the boat that night. I bet they were all thinking, “Let’s see what happens with Peter and then we’ll know if this is truly Jesus. Maybe then we will get out of this boat!” At least that is one of the things that I may have been thinking.

I want to have so much faith in my God that I am the first to get out of the boat. I want my focus to be so much on Jesus that I don’t even notice the winds and the waves around me. I want to have such faith in Jesus that if my foot stumbles and I take my eyes off of Him for a moment, and I cry out to Him to save me, that He will.

“It’s easy to say what we will do when we aren’t in the midst of a storm. It’s easy to criticize those who stumbled and fell when they were in the storm. I have to remember that at least they stepped out of the boat. They made the choice to trust God while I am challenging God over and over to prove Himself to me.”

I can’t say I’ve never stepped out of the boat. I have stepped out and been very successful in what God asked me to do. I have also stepped out and stumbled and cried out to God for help when I did. God is so good to me. He is always there even when I do stupid things thinking I know better. Jesus knew Peter would deny Him, yet He still loved him and saved him from drowning in the midst of the storm. Jesus loves us with that same love that He had for Peter. He has the same grace and mercy that He had for Peter.

I think the only thing that I can see from Peter’s life that I wonder about is the whole “cutting off of the ear.” Really? The ear? I’d like to think that my aim would have been much better. Just sayin’!!