children

Will This Love Last?

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I remember being concerned before I got married; concerned that I could be in a long term relationship. I knew my fiance was the man I was supposed to marry, and wanted to marry, but I had never been in a relationship for more than 6 months previously. I was so nervous. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I couldn’t be with a man for more than 6 months? I am not even sure I ever admitted this to my husband! What if I fell out of love?

The problem is, that the world has taught us that when we marry that other person, if it is the right one, things will be perfect. If we marry our true soulmate, things won’t be difficult and we will agree about everything. Well, world, you are stupid and your version of love is wrong and unattainable! I have been married now for 16 years and obviously, from the title of my blog, we have five sons. I have fought with, argued with, screamed at, cried to, and slammed doors on my husband. He has pretty much returned each of those things to me as well. Love isn’t this perfect bubble that can never be broken. Love is being broken and humble, and standing with your spouse, who is also broken and humble; standing together through everything. 

I am truly awed by what love is. Love isn’t what I thought it was; it is nothing like it. My husband is my best friend. We have been through many trials throughout our 16 years of marriage; perhaps not as many as some, but our fair share. I am in awe of the love I have for him, and that he has for me. When we got married, we vowed to love each other through anything. We say love, but behind that word is so many others that we don’t say. We vowed to trust each other, to stay committed to each other, to love each other, to be faithful to each other sexually, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. 

I may not always be the best at letting my husband know how full my heart is with love for him, but it is there. I don’t ever have to worry about that concern about my marriage lasting, because my love for him grows every day. My committment to him grows every day. I love him; I can’t help it. When we have bad days and we fight, I still love him; I am still committed to him. That is what love is. I will never give up on him and he will never give up on me. We are truly one; just as God intended.

So to my husband, I love you. I can honestly say I love you more now than I even did then. You truly make me a better person. I will stand by you no matter what happens in this lifetime, because that is what love is. Love it nothing like I imagined, but everything I could ever wish for. I love you My Honey!!

Advertisement

Adults Only

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I was one of those young people who hated hearing the child cry when I was trying to eat at a restaurant. I wondered why somebody would choose to go to a restaurant, or even a movie with a child! Now, after 12 years, I have five of them. Five sons who cry, throw tantrums, yell, sound their alarms when they want me or their Daddy to come running to their rescue. I have seen both sides and I have to say, neither is wrong. When I went out before I had children, I didn’t want to have to listen to a child crying for three fourths of my dinner. Nobody wants to hear that. I didn’t want friends bringing their toddlers over to my home to break literally everything within reach of their grimy hands.

Now I am that mother. I am the one who cannot be in my house one more minute; I HAVE to go out for supper because today has been one of those days and I want somebody to serve me for once. Often, people come up to us to tell us how well behaved our children are, but not all the time! I feel bad when my baby cries out because he dropped something and can’t get it. I see the looks. I hear the mumbled comments. Believe me, I understand. 

We are in a place now where people love to get together, without kids; Adults Only the invitation says. I would say it is 19 times out of 20 anymore we get the adults only invitation. Now I need YOU to understand that we just can’t do that. I respect that you have every right to not want screaming kids running around and breaking your stuff, but you need to understand I have FIVE, yes FIVE, children. Our family moved across the nation to follow what we believe is the will of God for our lives. We have no family and no really close friends yet. We don’t have people who offer to watch our kids anytime we want. We are a close family that does everything together. My husband and I maybe get a date once, sometimes twice a year, but now we are supposed to rush and find babysitters because every invitation we get doesn’t allow children? I don’t even trust many people with my kids. I don’t know any babysitters, let alone a babysitter that could handle 5 boys. I don’t even want to know how much a legitimate babysitter would charge to watch my five kids for a few hours. I think we would have to get another job!

I love adults only invitations. I may cringe now when I get them, but it isn’t because of the hosts. It is because we have five children; we live on a tight budget; we have no family to help; we have five children; we didn’t win the lottery; we won’t let just anybody watch our kids; we have FIVE children! I think you get my point. 

Next time you get the adults only invitation, don’t feel bad. I don’t feel bad about it. We may be the only couple that doesn’t show up. We do NOT want pity. We understand your purpose in the invite. Please understand our purposes when we politely decline the invitation. One day, when our children are older, we will love to come to your adults only parties, but right now, let us enjoy our children, who are five wonderful blessings that God gave us. Don’t make us feel bad because we have children and want to spend time with them. And parents with children, don’t make others feel bad who don’t have children and want those adults only parties. Nobody is right or wrong. Just understand we are in different places in our lives right now and love each other for it. 

Love Like Children

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I am tough on myself. I wish I wasn’t. I find myself at the end of each day, planning on doing better the next day; being better. I end my day happy that I did some good, happy that my kids made it through the day still loving me, still believing I’m the best Mom in the world. Kids are so forgiving and so loving, so innocent and so resilient. I see my kids and understand how Jesus loved the children around Him and said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.” 

As we turn from children into teenagers, young adults, adults, and finally elderly, we gain wisdom. As we get older though, we also gain hurts, distrust, cynicism, pessimism, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, among many other things. God did not intend for us to hold onto anything but the true definition of love in I Corinthians 13; withouth love, I have nothing, I gain nothing. My kids go to bed ever night still believing the best in me. They still love me and they easily forgive me. 

It can be very difficult to change. I want to be more like my children. I want to go to bed every night believing the best in people and not assume the worst. I need to bless those who curse me. I want to believe that there is a possibility that I may not be seeing things clearly. I need to be ready to admit to myself that I am seeing the world through hurts and sacrifices that I never wanted. I need to be honest with others, but with myself more.

God’s mercies are new every morning. I need to wake up every day and believe that I can be more like my children. They are a great example of how God sees us. Children learn a lot from us. Let us not be so arrogant to think they are not in our lives so that we can learn from them. I love my sons more than I can even understand; more than I thought I ever could. I hope one day they can understand just how much they have given me, how much God has blessed me through them.   

My Dad’s Love

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I’m in love with my husband. I’m in love with my children. I’m in love with so many people. Who taught me how to love? My father did. My father is still alive today. He is fairly young still. He is a good man. He is honorable. He taught me to stand tall. He taught me to be strong. He taught me to forgive. He taught me to be the daughter and woman that he knew I could be. I don’t ever want to fall short. I don’t ever want to disappoint him. I may be a wife and mother now, but I always want to believe that I bring honor to my father. I want to believe that my father is proud of me. My father sees my flaws and my mistakes and loves me anyway. I love my father. I adore my father and I look up to my father. My father is not perfect. I don’t always understand why he does some of the things he does. I don’t always understand certain choices he makes, but it doesn’t make me love him any less. I love because he loves me. 

How much greater is the Father’s love? God uses our earthly fathers to teach us love. They teach us a multitude of things, but they teach us to love first. When I see a picture of a father holding his newborn baby, it really touches something inside of me. Of course a mother and her newborn baby is beautiful, but a mother has had 9 months to bond with, and love that life inside of her. A father only gets to experience that first cry before he begins the lifelong bond. That doesn’t mean the father loves any less or more, or even different than the mother. It only means that first moment of wiggles and hiccups that a mother got to experience in her womb, is now what the father is experiencing for the first time. God uses our fathers to teach us how He loves us. Many earthly fathers fail at that, but God never fails. His love never fails. He knew us even before we were a thought in our parents’ hearts; and He loved us. 

Mothers, don’t be so critical of the father of your children. Don’t roll your eyes when they put the diaper on backwards, or wrestle too hard with them, or have a hard time getting up in the middle of the night. Dads aren’t made like moms, but it doesn’t mean that boys and girls need their fathers any less. Too many kids are growing up without fathers in this generation. Yeah, some are just plain jerks and terrible guys, but some have been pushed away by the mothers of those kids. Be strong. Stand up and fight for your children.Show them what love is.

So thank you Dad. Thank you for never giving up on me and always loving me. Thank you for making hard choices, sacrificial choices in order to not leave me.  I see you Dad. I see the Heavenly Father in you. I see you in the choice I made for my husband. He is a great father too. Because of you, Dad, I have seen, tasted, experienced, touched, felt, and found LOVE. Thank you, and I love you too!

Words

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I always hear people talk about watching your words. I hear it from my spouse, pastor, friends, and relatives. I try to watch my words all the time, but especially around my children. I know we all have moments of weakness where we get angry and say something we shouldn’t. Maybe I am the only one and this blog is totally for myself and nobody else. Although those can be shocking and possibly detrimental for small ears to hear, those aren’t exactly the words I am talking about in this post. I am talking about those sentences and phrases that came out of my mouth first; possibly days ago, weeks, months, or even years ago. 

I was shocked the first time I heard my oldest say the exact phrases I have used. Hearing them out of my little ones mouth sure makes it sound more negative than I ever thought it sounded out of my mouth. I have five sons between the ages of 12 and 1. All but my one year old have quoted me at different points of their lives. I wish I could say I was proud of myself when I heard them, but I wasn’t. Hearing your 5 year old yelling at his younger brother about how he is doing everything wrong with such adamant negativity has really made me try to change the way I speak. I try to speak in softer tones and try to be more positive when I speak. I try to correct without belittling them, or making them feel inadequate or dumb. 

I can’t say I never yell now, or speak to my kids in the most positive way possible, but understanding that there are flaws with my words an the way I say them is a great first step. Our words are powerful, our tone of voice is powerful, and choosing to correct in a positive way can be powerful. I choose today to do just that; empower my kids to take the best from me, and not the worst. 

White as Snow

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I got to be a part of the snow in the south this week. It wasn’t new to me. I am actually from pretty far up north, where there it felt like there was snow year round and it was so very cold! It still makes me excited to see it and smell it and go outside with my boys and play in it. There is just something about that first snowfall when everything turns pristine white. 

My boys make me laugh because as soon as it starts snowing, they are outside ready to built snow forts and have snowball fights. I keep telling them it takes a while for the snow to get deep enough to do those things. I love watching the drab ground and trees begin to gain this white beauty that only God could create. His beauty is breath taking and inspiring. 

One thing that comes with the snow, is the melting of the snow. There is such beauty when the snow covered ground holds this perfection; but perfection is not real. Sometimes things may look perfect, but eventually, the snow melts and what was underneath is seen again. This imperfect beauty is allowed to shine through. That white perfection melts away and reality comes back full force. 

We may try to cover our imperfections with this perfect looking appeal, but eventually, that goes away and our imperfection shows through again. God made us all so unique and imperfect. We need to try to celebrate our uniqueness. Too often I find myself trying to cover myself; to hide myself. The problem with that, is one day, somebody sees what is shining through underneath. Often times, we are blessed with people who see that shining through, and love you for it.

We need to try to be more Christ-like; and He is perfect, but that does not mean we change who He created us to be. What did He create you to be? What gifts did He freely give to you? Don’t cover it all up. Believe in yourself, because underneath all that exterior that you use to hide who you really are, is that beautiful person God created you to be. 

Hope

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

I have a great life. I love it. I get to be home with my boys. I get to attempt to be a good cook and most of the time my family eats it; my husband always eats it. What a good husband! I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve. That is the kind of God I serve; I deserve not even close to what He gives me. 

The one thing I have never had, is a house. A house to call my own. A house to decorate and fill up with children. A place to make memories. We have had 7 places to live since the conception of my firstborn. We have wonderful memories in each of those places; don’t get me wrong, but it was always temporary. I am a woman who needs security. I think most women do if they are honest with themselves. Even though we have moved often in the past, my husband has bent over backwards to help me feel more secure. 

Over the years there have been multiple times we were going to buy our house. Something always happened where it just never happened. We want to save up money and 5 kids later, we still rent. I love to daydream and hope one day I will have my house. I realized these last few years however, that the hope I once had, has all but left. I want to hope, and I know there is a sliver still there. I was texting my husband the other day and I told him, “I am afraid to hope”. No. I am actually afraid to fail, to be let down, to once again feel that disappointment.

That sure doesn’t say much about me and my faith. I have put all my faith in man and my circumstances; not God. My God is my provider. He is Jehovah Jireh. God gives us hope. If we don’t have hope, we aren’t believing who God is. 

So today, looking forward I will have hope. I will have faith. I know that God is faithful and He loves me. God knows the future; we don’t. I don’t need to worry or lose hope because He has always taken care of us; no matter where we live. One day, hopefully in the near future, God will reveal to us what He wants us to do, where He wants us to live, when He wants us to do things etc. 

Don’t forget who God is. Don’t make the same mistake I have made. Always believe; always hope; always dream; always love; always have faith, because that is how God made us to be. 

My Peace Test

Posted on by fivesonsplusone

Well, I should have known better. The other day I was actually commending myself on finally becoming a more relaxed, more peaceful mother. I felt like I hadn’t yelled or screamed at my kids in quite a while. It was a good moment of realization, but I really should have known that was going to soon be tested. Today was that day for me; and I failed. I failed miserably. I am so blessed to have 5 healthy handsome sons, but my 3rd born son has some issues with allergy/asthma problems. My family and I are believing for full healing from it, but until he is healed, he has to take his circle pill every night to help prevent this cough that turns into coughing/puking fits. I try not to complain about it because has never has to have breathing treatments or anything like that, but there were 2 years of his toddlerhood of ER visits and small garbage bins throughout the house for when he had a coughing fit.

Every once in a while, he gets a cough, even on the medicine. This is a horrible oddly sounding cough. It is like he is trying to clear his throat with a weird cough/groan. I don’t even know how to explain it very clear. All I know is that sound that he makes is like an arrow puncturing me to the core. I feel helpless; completely helpless. Mothers do not like to feel helpless. We want to make everything all better. I figured out in the last couple of years that when he gets this cough, to go for the Benadryl instead of cough medicines. He is one of those kids that Benadryl does not affect. He doesn’t get sleepy or crabby or anything from it. Up to two days on Benadryl clears up the cough completely and we no longer have to worry about the wretched cough turning into some sort of infection in his body.

This was the child who has needed more medicine than all of my other sons put together. We used to have to sit on him and try to force medicine down his throat. It sounds terrible, and believe me, it was! These days he takes his chewable tablet every night like a champ and will take some liquid medicines withouth throwing up anymore. Let’s just say………I ran out of his liquid Benadryl last night after the last day of coughing his special cough. I did have a few children’s tablets he could take, but last time he attempted to swallow it, he projectile vomited.

After school today he was doing that cough again, and I could NOT take it. I had to try to get him to take a pill. This was my peace test. This test was going to show off my compassionate motherly skills where I was NOT going to get frustrated. Let’s just say, there was crying by both of us and me begging and pleading for him to just, “swallow that pill!” My peace literally flew out the window. I was devastated. All these weeks and months, even years, of praying to be that Proverbs 31 woman and a calm mother, just ended with an epic failure. I hugged my son and begged his forgiveness.

I think if only God would heal my son right this moment, I wouldn’t have these moments of helplessness and frustration. I wouldn’t have to go through these tests and sometimes pass; sometimes fail. At these moments, I need to understand that these tests help me grow. They help create my character. They help my children see my character grow. It helps my children see that even though I may fail, I still try. These trials and peace tests help us become what God sees in us. My children need to see me fail as well as succeed. We may not always understand why God hasn’t stepped in when we think He should, but we need to remember, God knows us. He knows our hearts and during these tests and trials, He helps us see the truth in ourselves.

My next peace test will probably be something different. It may come tomorrow or next year, but one thing I know, is that I have some things to continue to work on!