Here I Am…..Maybe…
I have been going through a process in the last few years trying to figure out what is good for my body and what isn’t. I know some things are just plain bad for me, and I try not to eat or drink them, but sometimes, there is a grey area. What may work for another person to lose weight, may not work for you. I feel frustrated at times when I feel like I have just starved myself for the last couple of weeks only to see the scale move up instead of down. I get confused when I don’t even try and I end up losing a couple of pounds, then think I’ve caught on to something, only to gain 5 more. This is my body….and sometimes it’s a little hard to love. After having 5 babies through 5 invasive surgeries, my body is fighting back. I try to eat well and exercise, but I fight sinus problems all the time and I begin to feel overwhelmed. At this point in time, everybody knows exactly what I am doing wrong and what I should and should not do. Believe me people; I’ve tried it ALL! All I can do at this point is take care of myself by eating healthy and exercising.
But what about that other part of me? What about my spirit-man? I have no scale in my bathroom that measures how I have been treating it. Do I feed it enough? So many times we only look at our flesh. I only look at my body and forget to look at my spirit. Is it thriving? It’s easy to say, ‘I’ll read more tomorrow, or I’ll pray more tomorrow’, when nobody can see my spirit. I don’t walk down the street and have some lady stop me and wonder what my secret is. Nobody says, “Boy, somebody has been reading their Bible lately!” I can feel it. I know YOU can feel it too. Just like when we fill our physical body with unhealthy ‘garbage’ food and feel horrible the rest of the day, this is what happens to our spirits when we treat it the same way. Our spirit needs to be nourished with prayer and fasting and spending time in the word of God; spending time with God.
I may be only speaking to myself here, but my spirit is malnourished. Today is the day that I decide what I want my spirit to look like. Do I want to be a warrior for Christ, who knows and understands His scriptures, or do I want to just get by on what I learned as a kid in Sunday School? Today is the day I change. Today is the day I repent for my lack of spiritual nourishment, because one day when God is calling on me, I want to stand in full armor and say, “Here I am God, use me!”