I caught myself the other day saying something was impossible. I realized it after I spoke. I serve the God of the impossible. Can I really say something is impossible? 

I am a realist. I can’t help myself. Things are black and white. There has to be a reason for everything. Stuff can’t just happen for no reason right?

When I was a kid, I was in choir classes. I loved singing back then as much as I do now. The voice is such an incredible instrument. I love singing. I wonder if my choir teacher back in the day would have thought it would be possible for this little girl to ever grow up and sing in front of people week after week. This little girl that one of my teachers had to ask to not wear skirts so you couldn’t see my knees shake so bad during performances. She probably would have told someone that me singing in front of people in the future was impossible! I still get a little nervous when I lead worship. I want things to go well and I want to take people into the Throne Room of Heaven and worship like they never have before, but I don’t get nervous about how I sing, or how I sound. Of course I want to sound good, but it doesn’t keep me up at night.

When I read the Word of God, I see example after example of God doing the impossible. He IS the God of the impossible.

There was the burning bush, and parting the sea, and healing all sorts of disease. He made food multiply! That seems impossible!!!

I need to change what I say. I want to believe for the impossible. I want to speak out and declare that God’s word does not return void. I’ve received promises that feel impossible. I don’t know how it’s going to happen. I don’t know how I am going to pay for things, or network with the right people. My mind thinks and rethinks and tries to make seemingly impossible things, seem possible. That’s not my job to do. If I have a promise (from God), my job is to walk the right path and the right way I am supposed to walk and not worry about it. The enemy wants to confuse us and to make us give up on things because they seem impossible to us. Don’t give up!

Expectations can be a four letter word in my book. I think unrealistic expectations can be a huge downfall to many relationships. Between lack of communication and expectations, that can be a recipe for disaster. One thing I know I have with my husband is excellent communication. We are so different that we literally have to communicate.

Expectations on the other hand, are unfair and often times, unwise.

I can’t say that I’ve gotten rid of all my expectations of my husband, but after 20 years of marriage, I have come to the realization that I’ve put too many unfair expectations on him. I used to leave the house and when I returned, if he didn’t have things cleaned, I would be so angry and hurt. You see, my first love language is Acts of Service. So when I see that my husband has done the dishes, I truly feel like he loves me. His love language is Quality Time so if we haven’t had any time together for a while, he feels a little unloved.

We definitely aren’t the perfect couple and we have a long way to go, but when I see couples struggling with these two areas, it makes me want to do something about it; so here I am writing this blog. I hope my readers and followers see my heart in this. I have had many failures as a Mom and Wife, but at some point in our lives, we need to become the voice that others want and need to hear.

We put expectations on ourself, but we know what those expectations are. When we put an expectation on our spouse, we generally do not communicate this expectation to them, so they are almost always set up to fail. Sadly, it took me many years to realize this. If you expect something from your spouse, communicate it to them in a loving way. I was literally setting my husband up to let me down. That wasn’t fair to him at all. He’s a wonderful husband and although there are things I would like for him to do different, we talk about it….out loud, and not just in my head.

If you would like to take this love language test, click on this link here to take it. This test is for couples, but if you are single, you can still take a test from their website. 

I want to give my husband quality time because I know he feels extra loved through it. He also wants to do things for me that show me how much he loves me. I do realize that his love language is much easier too. Just being with him makes him feel loved. He has to work for me to feel that way!! LOL

So couples, communicate with each other and let your spouse know what’s in your mind as an expectation. Talk it out and learn to love each other on a deeper level because of it.

Growing up, I always struggled with who I was. Part of it was having a Narcissist as a mother, but that’s not what I am talking about here. I’m talking about that deep gnawing in you that tells you how you’re not good enough. As children, our parents help shape us, but as we grow into teenagers and try to figure out who we are, we go through stages of awkwardness and insecurity and frustration. We see somebody in school that we think is pretty cool, and we try to be like that person. We change who we are over and over until we get to the place where we are confident enough to be ourself. Sometimes that confidence comes quickly, sometimes it can take years or even decades to achieve.

Honestly, I was in my 30s before I began to figure out who I was. That was due to escaping from the grip of the narcissistic mother, but still, even though my confidence was delayed, I still finally reached it. It’s not something that comes overnight. It took time and being honest about how I saw myself and how others saw me. Now, I can look back and see the process I went through and how long it took.

What I’m concerned about now is how one’s confidence seems to bring out such insecurity in others. Just because somebody has reached a level of confidence, does not mean they are done learning and growing. It only means they have reached a level of comfort in knowing who they are. I think this is what many teenagers struggled with then and continue to struggle with today. Some young people find their confidence early and it brings out the insecurities in others. Even adults struggle with the confidence they see in others. Why can’t we be excited for each other? Why is confidence so threatening to people?

Matthew 22:39 …”love your neighbor as yourself”

If we understand who we are in Christ, as Christians, we need to be confident in that. God demands that we love one another as we love ourself. If we don’t love ourself, how can we love others? We need to love ourself and if you struggle with that, figure out why. I need to love myself. You need to love yourself.

I know it may be easier to say than to do, but like everything else in this life, begin with baby steps. Wake up every day and find something about yourself that you like. Maybe you like how your eyes look. It’s okay to feel pretty or handsome. Maybe you handed the homeless man on the corner some money to help him out. When we live a Christ-like life, it’s easier to love yourself. Don’t look at loving yourself and confidence as arrogance. It’s two different things. It’s a matter of the heart.

Make today a new day. Learn to love yourself and others in a whole new way.