Expectations can be a four letter word in my book. I think unrealistic expectations can be a huge downfall to many relationships. Between lack of communication and expectations, that can be a recipe for disaster. One thing I know I have with my husband is excellent communication. We are so different that we literally have to communicate.
Expectations on the other hand, are unfair and often times, unwise.
I can’t say that I’ve gotten rid of all my expectations of my husband, but after 20 years of marriage, I have come to the realization that I’ve put too many unfair expectations on him. I used to leave the house and when I returned, if he didn’t have things cleaned, I would be so angry and hurt. You see, my first love language is Acts of Service. So when I see that my husband has done the dishes, I truly feel like he loves me. His love language is Quality Time so if we haven’t had any time together for a while, he feels a little unloved.
We definitely aren’t the perfect couple and we have a long way to go, but when I see couples struggling with these two areas, it makes me want to do something about it; so here I am writing this blog. I hope my readers and followers see my heart in this. I have had many failures as a Mom and Wife, but at some point in our lives, we need to become the voice that others want and need to hear.
We put expectations on ourself, but we know what those expectations are. When we put an expectation on our spouse, we generally do not communicate this expectation to them, so they are almost always set up to fail. Sadly, it took me many years to realize this. If you expect something from your spouse, communicate it to them in a loving way. I was literally setting my husband up to let me down. That wasn’t fair to him at all. He’s a wonderful husband and although there are things I would like for him to do different, we talk about it….out loud, and not just in my head.
If you would like to take this love language test, click on this link here to take it. This test is for couples, but if you are single, you can still take a test from their website.
I want to give my husband quality time because I know he feels extra loved through it. He also wants to do things for me that show me how much he loves me. I do realize that his love language is much easier too. Just being with him makes him feel loved. He has to work for me to feel that way!! LOL
So couples, communicate with each other and let your spouse know what’s in your mind as an expectation. Talk it out and learn to love each other on a deeper level because of it.