Politics and Faith |

You are Worthy

Posted on September 1 by fivesonsplusone

I grew up feeling loved by my Dad, and worthless by my Mom. I became a perfectionist in an attempt to pull some sort of affirmation from my Mom. I lived to make her proud of me. Sadly, it has never come to fruition and all I got from it is frustration and anxiety. I’m old enough to not be a victim or play the blame game for any bad behavior I can exhibit time to time, but it still gets to me after all these years.

My Dad has shown me such unconditional love over the years. No matter how mad I would get at him when I was a young girl, or when my mouth gets ahead of me as an adult, he still loves me. Despite the love I received, and still do, there was always this nagging voice in my mind that told me I would never be good enough or worthy enough. That’s where my perfectionism is rooted. This determination to one day be told I did something worthy of a mother’s love was my focus even when it wasn’t my focus. I felt like I was able to overcome so much of this when I was a stay-at-home Mom for almost 12 years. It was challenging at times, but I loved so much of it and felt like I was a success. I love my sons fiercely and unconditionally. I am always proud of them and their accomplishments. I’m also proud of them when they try and fail, because at least they tried!

When I finished my degree and decided to go back to work, this is when I saw that perfectionism and frustration raise its ugly head once again. When I work so hard and years go by without promotion, it brings me right back to feeling like I’m worthless. Realistically, I know I am not and I know my boss doesn’t feel that way, but it’s rooted so deep inside of me, I struggle to get rid of it. How is it even possible to feel accomplished, confident, and find success, yet still struggle with not being good enough?

This brings me to a turning point for me that still brings me to tears. I was at a Women’s Conference this spring at my church. Going to things like these are so out of my comfort zone as I struggle big time with social anxiety and awkwardness. Anyway, my church always has gifts and giveaways for these meetings and they display these gifts at the front, on the stage. I don’t normally win things, but as I look upon this big vase sitting there shining so brightly, I felt like the Lord told me I was worthy of this vase. Not necessarily this vase, but the meaning behind it was what this vase represented. I was shook. This vase was the Grand Prize. I was sitting there minding my own business when I felt God speak those words to me. As I drove home for the lunch break, I began to tell my husband about this and the emotion of it all brought me to tears. God said I was worthy. The Creator of the Heavens and the Earth said I am worthy. I could barely get these words out. This revelation was slowly pulling on that root of perfectionism and unworthiness that was instilled inside of me as a little girl. After lunch, I went back to the Women’s Conference and needless to say, I did not win the vase, but it was still such a good conference and I won that vase in my heart with those words God spoke to me.

Shortly after this conference was my Anniversary, and very unexpectedly my husband walks into my room with this Vase! I assumed he went out and found a duplicate vase like the one at the Conference, but as the tears streamed down my face, he told me how he reached out to one of our Pastors to find out where she got it. After he explained what the Lord spoke to me at the conference, she let him know who won it and the woman who actually won it was more than happy to give it to him so that I could have it. I was absolutely shocked!

This vase now sits on my dresser in my bedroom as a reminder that I am good enough. I am worthy of God’s love. I am worthy to be healed. I am worthy of promotion. I do work hard and I do believe effort is also necessary. You’re not going to give 50% of yourself at a job and expect to get promoted. Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I don’t have to be perfect for God to love me, or my husband to love me, or my family etc. In the same way, you don’t have to be perfect to feel worthy of being loved and appreciated. Don’t allow anybody else’s insecurities to tell you different. Sometimes God uses things like vases to speak to you. Listen to Him and understand who you are in Christ. God did not create us to feel worthless. He created us to be loved and to love because we are worthy of love!

Masculinity and My Sons

Posted on August 29 by fivesonsplusone

I grew up in North Dakota and moved to North Carolina in my 30s with my 4 sons. After months living in the South, I became pregnant with my fifth son. My surprise baby, that is the most amazing final addition to our family that we never knew we needed. God knew I needed five sons to make our family whole. I thank God for them every single day. Now, I’m thankful for them every day, but that doesn’t mean they don’t challenge me most days. I love it and I wouldn’t change anything.

I now have two in college and the rest in state public schools. Raising five sons to be masculine and strong in today’s society can be a challenge as I’m sure you know yourself. If you’ve ready my blog before, you know I was raised in a home with a full blown Narcissist Mother and a Father that learned not to stir the pot. I adore my Father and to this day, consider him to be one of the greatest, smartest, kindest, selfless men I know. I considered my Dad to be masculine in so many ways. He used to lift weights when I was a little girl. He worked, and still works, a very physical job. He made [mostly] sound financial decisions. One thing my Dad lacked, was the masculinity and the strength to stand up to my Mother when she was so often abusive and wrong. My Dad and I are in such a great place now. I love him and he is and always will be a hero to me. I am my father’s daughter. I have his sense of humor. I look like him. I have his work ethic almost to a fault. One thing that I have that I did not get from him, is the ability to stand up and confront injustices. What my Mother got away with was an injustice. She abused in verbal, mental, and emotional ways to myself and my brother that will forever affect us. I stood up to her, and became one of her conquests to attempt to destroy in every way. She has not and will not ever succeed.

Yes, I absolutely forgive. I have forgiven my Father for not standing up for us and himself when he should have. I have forgiven those friends and relatives who would not stand up to my Mother when they saw what she did to us. I will not wallow in my pain. I will choose to be an overcomer and not a victim. In saying that, I want to use my knowledge and past to help those who may be in the same situation. I want to use what I have learned in my childhood to teach my sons how to be masculine and strong and unafraid to stand up to forces that tell them that strength is wrong. I teach them to stand up for women and in the future, their wives.

I teach them to speak up for what is right, maybe not by the world’s standards, but by the word of God. I want them to be the strength and masculinity that the world wants to destroy. They are men of God and I pray they are and will continue to be unafraid to be who God has called them to be.

Masculinity is not toxic. My sons are not toxic. My husband is not toxic. What is toxic is the world teaching women that men are less than, just as women are not supposed to be less than. My sons will not be feminized or told they are toxic merely because they show strength and masculinity.

Why must the world be tossed between extremes?? Women did not have the same rights as men in history. I am truly grateful for so much of feminism in the way that I am able to work, vote, and use my voice to speak to those who will listen. I am also grateful that despite the efforts of too many in the world, my sons are following Godly principles and morals. They are not perfect, but they are my beautiful, masculine, strong, young men and I am so proud to call them my five sons.

Shutting Down the South

Posted on January 10, 2017 by fivesonsplusone

We had a snow/ice storm here in North Carolina. No school and quite a few people working from home if it is possible for them. We get quite a bit of teasing from Northerners, which I was once one of as most of my readers know. I grew up in North Dakota and snow is something I am very familiar with. Cities in the South just don’t have the equipment necessary to deal with the snow and ice like they do in the Northern part of the US.

We can look at life like these Southern snow and ice storms and giggle and tease those who seem to “shut down” when something they aren’t used to gets thrown their way. Something may seem easy to you, but it can be terribly difficult for somebody else. Are we compassionate and empathetic toward those who have difficulty, or do we tell them how ridiculous we think they are? I can’t say I am always compassionate when I should be. Truth be told, I find myself more cynical than compassionate in too many situations.

How can I grow in love and compassion for people who seem to ‘shut down’ at the slightest bit of chill in their lives? I do have love and compassion for people, but I find that when people constantly put themselves in the same situation over and over again, it can be very difficult for me to tap into that compassionate side of me. Every time it snows in the South, it is guaranteed that memes and jokes will show up everywhere about it. I can laugh and joke about it with the rest of them, but I do see how the South just hasn’t been equipped for this stuff.

Some people are not as well equipped for different seasons of their life and what they don’t need is anyone reminding them how much they don’t know or haven’t learned yet.

I’m not saying we can’t ever joke with people or have a little fun with close friends, but if you have just met somebody and don’t know what their life is like, walk in compassion first. I need this post probably more than anybody out there because sometimes I feel like I see life so different than other people. My first reaction may be for someone to ‘suck it up’ before I think that maybe they could use a hug.

Lord please help me to grow in Your love and Your compassion. I want people to see You in me before AND after I open my mouth! Help me be a light that guides people to You.

Vote Without Fear

Posted on July 27, 2016 by fivesonsplusone

It is so easy this election cycle to become frustrated and angry. I know I have. I feel like I can present the truth to people, yet they will prefer to stay blinded. I hear talk about fear of this person winning or that person winning. Truthfully, I get nervous when I think somebody as corrupt and untrustworthy as Hillary Clinton could possibly be nominated. What will this mean for my children, who democrats believe aren’t really my children?

It is so easy to get caught up in the winds of discontent and confusion and even fear, but one thing that will never change is the fact that no matter what happens, God is still in control. God knows what is going to happen already. He knows the end from the beginning and the beginning from the end. When I allow fear or discontentment into my mind, I am not fully trusting in God. Now, I must do my part and vote, but I have to trust God.

I believe history will show that Obama has been one of the worst Presidents in the history of this nation. One good thing that his leading has done, is wake up many sleeping Christians. These last few years have been like an alarm clock going off every few moments waking more and more people up to the fact that this nation is taking a turn, and not a good one.

I will vote this fall and I will vote for the best person for the job. I will vote for the person that I believe will wisely choose the next generations Supreme Court Justices. I will vote for the person who will understand that a strong military makes for a strong nation. I will vote for the person who believes for equality among all men and women and not just prey upon those with a victim mentality. I will vote for the person who understands that not protecting our borders means having a less secure nation and the person that understands the difference between legal immigration and illegal immigration. I won’t allow pride to keep me from helping this nation because my man or woman didn’t make the nomination. I will stand with Trump/Pence not because he or they are faultless, but because they stand for what I believe this nation is about.

This election season, vote without fear. Vote because you need to stand up for this nation and what this nation was founded on. Too many Christians are saying they can’t morally vote for Trump but yet they joyfully voted for Romney in the last election, even though Mormonism is considered a cult. Trump may not have all the traits you believe he should, but he understands the attacks that are happening to Christians here and around the world. He understands that churches should not be silenced any longer out of fear. He understands that our 2nd amendment rights are NOT to be infringed upon. He understands that making this nation great again means returning back to our constitutional rights given by God and not the government.