Masculinity and My Sons

I grew up in North Dakota and moved to North Carolina in my 30s with my 4 sons. After months living in the South, I became pregnant with my fifth son. My surprise baby, that is the most amazing final addition to our family that we never knew we needed. God knew I needed five sons to make our family whole. I thank God for them every single day. Now, I’m thankful for them every day, but that doesn’t mean they don’t challenge me most days. I love it and I wouldn’t change anything.

I now have two in college and the rest in state public schools. Raising five sons to be masculine and strong in today’s society can be a challenge as I’m sure you know yourself. If you’ve ready my blog before, you know I was raised in a home with a full blown Narcissist Mother and a Father that learned not to stir the pot. I adore my Father and to this day, consider him to be one of the greatest, smartest, kindest, selfless men I know. I considered my Dad to be masculine in so many ways. He used to lift weights when I was a little girl. He worked, and still works, a very physical job. He made [mostly] sound financial decisions. One thing my Dad lacked, was the masculinity and the strength to stand up to my Mother when she was so often abusive and wrong. My Dad and I are in such a great place now. I love him and he is and always will be a hero to me. I am my father’s daughter. I have his sense of humor. I look like him. I have his work ethic almost to a fault. One thing that I have that I did not get from him, is the ability to stand up and confront injustices. What my Mother got away with was an injustice. She abused in verbal, mental, and emotional ways to myself and my brother that will forever affect us. I stood up to her, and became one of her conquests to attempt to destroy in every way. She has not and will not ever succeed.

Yes, I absolutely forgive. I have forgiven my Father for not standing up for us and himself when he should have. I have forgiven those friends and relatives who would not stand up to my Mother when they saw what she did to us. I will not wallow in my pain. I will choose to be an overcomer and not a victim. In saying that, I want to use my knowledge and past to help those who may be in the same situation. I want to use what I have learned in my childhood to teach my sons how to be masculine and strong and unafraid to stand up to forces that tell them that strength is wrong. I teach them to stand up for women and in the future, their wives.

I teach them to speak up for what is right, maybe not by the world’s standards, but by the word of God. I want them to be the strength and masculinity that the world wants to destroy. They are men of God and I pray they are and will continue to be unafraid to be who God has called them to be.

Masculinity is not toxic. My sons are not toxic. My husband is not toxic. What is toxic is the world teaching women that men are less than, just as women are not supposed to be less than. My sons will not be feminized or told they are toxic merely because they show strength and masculinity.

Why must the world be tossed between extremes?? Women did not have the same rights as men in history. I am truly grateful for so much of feminism in the way that I am able to work, vote, and use my voice to speak to those who will listen. I am also grateful that despite the efforts of too many in the world, my sons are following Godly principles and morals. They are not perfect, but they are my beautiful, masculine, strong, young men and I am so proud to call them my five sons.

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