Proverbs 13:12 New King James Version (NKJV)
12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
What do we do when we hope for something for so long and it doesn’t ever seem like it’s going to happen? How do we keep hoping in the most hopeless situations?
I believe it’s about faith. Faith keeps my hope alive. I’ve lived my life holding on to hopes and dreams that I’m not sure will ever come true, but I will never give up hope that they will. I’ve seen things happen in my life that I’ve hoped for, and I’m still waiting on things that I’ve hoped for. When I was a little girl, I hoped that I would find a man who would love me and be the strength that I needed in my life. I found him and he is my husband. I hoped to have children with my husband, and I have five sons. I hoped to one day go to college as I didn’t go when I was younger. I graduated Summa Cum Laude just under two years ago and got a fantastic job. I always hoped that I would be able to sing on a worship team and I have gotten to be a Worship Leader for several years now. Some of those dreams have taken many years to accomplish, but I always hung on to hope.
What about those hopes that never feel like they are within reach? I used to have this dream that my Mom would show up full of remorse and regret for the way she has treated me and my family, and honestly, pretty much every person in her life thus far. I’ve done research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the main thing that they say about somebody who has reached the malignant stage of this disorder, is that there is no hope of them ever changing. Who they used to be will never come back. They are now at the stage that they believe every lie they tell and they no longer understand what is the true and what is a lie. I can honestly say, I have forgiven my Mom. At this point, all I can do is pray that she repents before she stands before God. I can’t say that I have this hope that she will try to know her grandchildren and actually want to be a part of their lives. I used to, but I don’t any more. What I do believe, is that my God can do anything. He is the God of miracles. I don’t know what His plan is. I do know that what I have gone through has opened up doors for me to help others who have been or are in the same circumstances. It’s difficult to explain to somebody how crazy you can feel being around a narcissist. You feel constantly drained. You feel wonderful one moment and then like the ground has been pulled from under your feet the next. Once you escape the strongholds of this person, you realize how controlled and manipulated you were. It’s like you were so mesmerized by this person that you were on a drug. They can make you feel so amazing when you are fulfilling a need that they have, but once you awaken from this euphoria and realize the way this person has controlled and manipulated you, and you begin to question them, that’s when you see the real person they truly are.
My hope is in God. My hope is that He will restore my Mom’s mind and life to what she is supposed to be for His glory, not for my selfish desires. Just as Joseph told his brothers to not be upset with themselves for what they did to him. Joseph understood that this was the plan God had for him all along. It was all part of his journey. This is the journey I am on. I won’t be upset about how my journey has been so far. I will do what I can to help others. I will help them learn to forgive and live with their hope in God. I have faith in God so my hopes and dreams are intertwined with that faith.
You may feel like you’re in a stage where your heart is sick because you’ve lost hope, but don’t give up. God does not break promises. Keep your focus on Him and He will direct your path. It may not happen tomorrow, but it will happen. Guard those promises in your heart and hold on to your hope because He will never give up on you!