I Do?

I do. What does it mean? Does it mean anything anymore? I said I do to my husband almost 16 years ago. 16 years used to be a small number when talking about marriage when I was a kid. Now it is considered a long marriage. This makes me so sad. What makes me mad is reading all about friends who are getting divorced on social media for selfish reasons. Yes, I said it; selfish. Society has become so selfish.  It is hard to defend the sanctity of marriage when so many people are getting divorced. It is hard to say marriage means something when more than half end in divorce. Marriage isn’t easy. Marriage is hard and it is an endeavor that so many people find themself falling into blindly. We fall in love and want to live out our fantasy. Our prince rescues us and now starts the happy ever after right?

I think I take it harder than they do when friends file for divorce! It makes me sad that they are so unhappy. It makes me more sad to hear about how much they hate their soon to be ex. How can you turn so quickly from love to hate? I understand there are those who have committed adultery; those who are very abusive. Why is ‘drifting apart’ a reason for divorce? A big thing I hear lately is how one feels like they are the only one giving and never receiving. I must admit, this very sentence may have come out of my mouth a time or two in the midst of a fight between my husband and me. My husband and I take our vows very seriously. Til death means something to us. Marriage isn’t about all we can get out of somebody else; it is about all we can give to somebody else. Marriage is quite selfless. Marriage is not flawless; ours may have scars and massive stains, but it has only made us stronger.

One thing about marriage is that there is a third person involved. This third person makes the cord that ties you and your spouse together; unbreakable. That third person is Jesus. When God is in our marriage, and is our first love, then everything else should fall nicely into place. I am so thankful that I found a man who is selfless enough to love me even when I don’t deserve it. He is selfless enough to give even when he doesn’t get anything in return. If you are looking for somebody that will give you absolutely everything you need, then please don’t get married. First look to Jesus, then after you get all you need from Him, maybe you can think about finding a husband or a wife.

It is so easy to complain about our spouse. It is so easy to jump on the hate bandwagon when one of our friends’ spouse is seemingly acting like a jerk. Let me have the true friend that gently reminds me that I may be the problem; that I may be the one seeing things wrong. I say go one month of giving without expecting anything in return. Tell your husband how much you respect him; how much you respect how he works to provide for you, your kids; how much you respect him as a man. Tell your wife how much you love her. Tell her when she isn’t doing anything for you. Tell her how beautiful she is when she has baby puke on her clothes and her mascara has settled itself an inch below her eyes. Touch your wife in a nonsexual way. Wives, touch your husband in a sexual way. Be a giver. Be selfless.


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